Turkey is for Jive asses

Cook uncovered at 350° for 2 and a half-to-3 hours or until the internal temperature reaches 160°. Let stand for 20 minutes before serving, carve, plate and enjoy! I like mine with gravy.

Happy Thanksgiving from, Chuck Norris Ate My Baby.

Chuck Norris Ate These Blogs!

Here it is folks, every single one of the posts and entries into the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest Blogathon, all in one neat and tidy package for you to enjoy. There are quite a few links here, but it would be wicked rad if each of you try and check out as many of these as you can, if you already haven't read them of course.

There is nothing short of greatness from every one of these posts, and making the decisions on who is going to win will not be too easy for my impartial secret judge and especially myself. I have a feeling a hat may need to be involved at some point. Good luck to you all!

Blog: The Great White Dope

Post:

Invasion USA (1985)

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Blog: iZombie-Lover

Posts:

What Would Chuck [Norris] Do?

Chuck Norris is…20 Hard Reasons.

Day In The Life Of…CHUCK NORRIS

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Blog: Cinema Obsessed.com

Post:

Colorful Cameo: Chuck Norris in Dodgeball

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Blog: Four of Them

Posts:

Battle Royale: Katharine Hepburn vs. Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris vs. Katherine Hepburn Battle Royale Round 2!

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Blog: Porkhead's Horror Review Hole

Post:

Action Movie Monday Presents: Silent Rage

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Blog: Movie Feast

Doug Tilley's Post:

Invasion U.S.A. (1985)

J.T.'s Post:

The Octagon (1980)

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Blog: The Quest to Watch Every Movie Ever

Posts:

Chuck Norris Vs. Eeeeevil

Chuck Norris Vs. Ghostface

Chuck Norris Vs. Freddy Krueger

Chuck Norris Vs. The Wet Bandits

A Force of One (1979)

Chuck Norris Vs. Biff Tannen

Silent Rage (1982)

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Blog: Enter the Man-Cave

Post:

Chuck Norris Has Met His Toughest Enemy Yet!

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Blog: From Beyond Depraved

Post:

BAD ISSUE Presents: Hellbound (1994)

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Blog: I Like Horror Movies

Post:

Carl's Failed Script Ideas: Terror of Mecha-Chuck Norris

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Blog: The Lightning Bug's Lair

Post:

A Tale of Two Matt Hunters: Norris vs. Dudikoff

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Blog: From Midnight, With Love

Post:

Chuck Norris Ate Bruce Lee? Not Exactly, But He Could Have!

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Blog: She Blogged By Night

Post:

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog: "Silent Rage" (1982)

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Blog: Thrilling Days of Yesteryear

Post:

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Blogathon: Breaker! Breaker! (1977)

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Blog: Confessions of a Fake Inuit

Post:

Why Do They Always Pick On My Hat?

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Blog: Buried in a Book Crypt

Post:

Chuck Norris Eats This: Sidekicks

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Blog: Billy Loves Stu

Post:

The movie Chuck Norris hopes you never see: Dr. Leather's House of Torture on Haunted Hill

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If I missed anyone, or if any of the links do not work properly, please, feel free to punch my neck really hard, therefore I will fix it with the quickness.

Denim Demigod

Ever wonder how Chuck Norris is able to throw down dope kicks to foolish suckers while wearing jeans tighter than a Chinese foot binding? It wasn't always easy for the blonde black belt, and for many horrendous years, Chuck suffered from embarrassing crotch rips, shortened kicks and a lack of confidence. Not to be one to take that crap lying down, on a bed of nails, Norris took matters into his own beard and created Action Jeans.

Chuck Norris Action Jeans, made for a man, by a man, these multipurpose Karate-kick jeans are each individually handcrafted by forging steel, human dreams, and a chest hair from Chuck himself, in every pair. As you can see from these lovely adverts, Chuck got his swagger back, he became one with his jean and this gave him the opportunity to create the Norris look, which consisted of bad ass, a form of facial hair, cowboy boots (made of human skin, naturally) and of course, a size too small pair of Action Jeans.     

  

This next one should just probably say: If you have a huge cock, like Chuck Norris, go with the Action Designer jeans! Look at his smile (and the close-up cock shot) and you know it's true.

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest!

I have decided it's about damn time that we have a contest over here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, something I have been pondering doing for sometime now. Doing contests and shit like that isn't really my bag, but I wanted to do something that is fun and interactive as well as something that can give a few of my very awesome readers the chance to win some prizes! Oh, and I know you love prizes!

So, I thought it would be great to do a blogathon thingy, with the subject matter being that of the bearded one himself, Chuck Norris. What you have to do is, post anything pertaining to Chuck Norris, whether it be a review of anyone of his many films or even an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. You can even do a write up on the man's career in film, in the ring, in bed, it doesn't matter as long as it's Chuck related. It can be funny, it can be serious, heck, it can even be both if you so choose! Yowza! 

My only rules are that it has to be bearded and has to be posted with in the time frame, which will be May 24th through May 30th. Outside of that, there are no rules as far as content goes, and you don't even have to link to me or anything. That's not what it's about. Now, to be fair, if I have anyone that is a reader and not a blogger and wants to join in on the fun but has no place to post something, let me know in the comments section, or email me. I will have you send it to me so I can post it here. I don't want anyone to be left out. I believe in love for all.  

At the end of the contest, I will do a post with links to everyone that hopefully participates, and then, with help from a crack team of scientists and astrologers, the winners will be picked using formulas and measurements to determine which are the best posts. From there, three winners will be announced, with one for the grand prize and the two runner-up winners.

Now, here's what you can win!   

Grand prize:

A copy of Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper for XBOX 360!

A copy of both The Bloody Ape and Gothkill!

 

Issue number 9 of Paracinema Magazine!

A copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection which includes 12 films!

A copy of the 2009 Western/Horror hybrid, The Burrowers!

And finally, what Chuck Norris contest would be complete without a copy of one of the blonde babe's finest action films, Code of Silence? Well, you'll get a copy of that too, so this contest IS complete!

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Second and Third place prizes:

Both second and third place winners will receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!

So, that is a total of three chances to win something! But I know you got your eye on that big prize, don't you?

As I said, this is all going down May 24th through May 30th, so there is plenty of time for you to figure out what you would like to do. All submissions/post links can be sent to chucknorrisatemybaby (at) gmail (dot) com and please don't send me naked pictures. Unless you're a hot old lady that likes bowling. I also made up a few banners that any one of you are free to use, but it is not required to enter or participate in the contest. 

Shoot me some feedback or questions if you have any, and hopefully this turns out as fun as I envision it and not it to a complete disaster! Now, get out there and start blogging!

Special thanks to Paracinema, The Adventure Company and Wild Eye Releasing for providing some of the fine prizes.

To All the Mothers Out There…

…keep 'em coming - Chuck is depending on you for the nutrients and protein to keep his spin kick strong and beard thick.

Happy Mother's Day from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby.

Wrasslin' Bears

Considering the source of this blog's name, along with my intense love for the man and what he means to film fans such as myself, there has sadly been little-to-no Chuck Norris action on this blog. That is, until now. How, or why I never knew about this clip until I accidentally stumbled upon it recently, is beyond me, as this clip is the literal definition of gold. Shit, it just might be platinum. Like my fronts.
As you can tell from the title of the You Tube clip that I have provided below, it's Chuck Norris vs. a bear, as in, a bear that lives in the woods and eat bitch asses for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Luckily, Chuck ain't no mark-ass buster, so this furry fool is in for the fight of it's life. Let's see how this unfolds…

Phenomenal, right?! I cannot help but wonder if the bear is thinking, "bad idea," after shit starts to get hectic and Norris' beard fluffs up as he goes into full-on defense mode. There are a few moments there, where it's not even totally clear as to whom the bear is, then again, Norris is technically a bear, just not the kind that eats porridge and shit. Even Chuck's fine ass dime piece gets a little thrown for a loop, as she picks up this fucking branch and then just stands there, trying to figure out which furry bastard to hit. It would have been great if Chuck and the bear would both be yelling to the girl "Hit him, he's the bear!" "No, I'm Chuck, hit him!"

Now, there are a few key moments in this video, one which comes at 25 seconds and the other, at 47 seconds. However, while the 25 second mark is amazing, it's at 47 seconds where you will witness the greatest moment to ever happen in all the history of celluloid. Go ahead, go back and re-watch the clip just to see those moments again…totally worth it. I could watch this video on a loop for the next 20 years, complete with a colostomy bag, and one of those helmets that hold beer cans.

70 Years of Bearded Excellence and Counting…

Happy 70th birthday to the great Chuck Norris from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!

Vote for Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!

Horror website Bloody Disgusting is putting on a Horror Blog award’s thingy and amongst the many amazing blogs nominated, I am very proud to say that CNAMB has been included in the running. I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t LOVE to win, but I highly doubt I have any chance at all, however I would love to at least do well as it would be a great way to feed my ego!

What’s interesting about this whole thing is many great blogs are nominated and many of my readers and good friends are behind those blogs (I can forget about those votes!), so I want to wish them all good luck. If CNAMB doesn’t win, then it better be one of them! Click on the link below (or on the sidebar) to vote - you have to have a registered account to do so (and to keep it fair), but it’s really easy to sign up. If I win, I’ll review whatever movie each one of you wants me to!

Kisses!

Bloody Disgusting’s Horror Blogger Awards

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Product Placement Edition!

Changing things up for this weeks pajama jammy jam, I thought it would be nice to bring in one of the hottest DJ's working the tables in the underground hip-hop dance scene. Straight from San Fransisco, I now present you with D.J. Tanner! You know the House is always gonna be Full when D.J. Tanner is up in this piece - so lets get ready to enjoy this Hip-hop Happy Meal with Mac and Me!

Man...who the hell invited Kimmy Gibbler? She is totally going to ruin my party!



This 1988 E.T. ripoff is such a fantastic mess and this scene is so moronic, that I just had to include it in a dance party someday. With a large dose of heavy stuff like Coca-Cola, Skittles, and McDonald's, there are more addictive substances in Mac and Me than there are in this entire club! You can see the addiction in the dancers eyes too - the thumb moves, the footloose football players, and that jerk off kid in a wheelchair who can't even at least try to join in by doing some spin moves on one wheel cause he's too doped up on sugar and meal worms! Then there's the Mysterious Alien Creature, otherwise known as MAC, dancing all up on the counter, which is so unsanitary. What kind of germs did that alien asshole bring from planet Mickey D's I wonder?

The one thing I can't help but think is this would totally happen at the exact moment I went into Mac Donald's to get something to eat. I mean business when it comes to eating and all I want to do is get my food, eat it, and get out, but if a dance scene broke out, I can only imagine that there would be no time to make my food, let alone blend me a shake. "Umm…excuse me?! Could you maybe stop dancing and get me my fucking plain double cheeseburger? Maybe?"

Turkey? For Thanksgiving?!

Now THIS is more like it!

Happy Thanksgiving from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!

Three More Days Till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...

I went and put up a big fat baby ass with a pumpkin painted on it for my header in the spirit of the last week of Chucktober and the final and insanely sad moments before Halloween passes us by...like a candle in the wind. You know for a fact that baby ass is gonna be pumpkin pie for a certain bearded male with roundhouse kick capability, but till the season is over, safe that ass is. As always, I have had an okay Halloween, filled with a lot of excitement and a sliver of letdown for whatever lame reasons that decide to come up and ruin things.

I was off from work on Thursday and did whatever I do when not working (kicking a ton of ass and tanning). When Sunday rolled around, I was out of work remarkably early, so I thought, "I can go to one of the two local Haunted Houses tonight!" Nope. The mother fucking Haunted Houses are closed on Sundays - and here's the kicker...they're open on Thursdays! So I could have went to both of the local haunts in one day, but I would have never thought that a "weekend attraction" would be open on a weekday, let alone closed on a Sunday.

Being that I moved not too long ago, I got a new job, which is good, right? Yeah, good until you walk in and see a sign asking that no employees take off Halloween, or the day beforehand for that matter. I can begrudgingly deal with that a little more as I understand it's the weekend and I am new, so who am I really to complain. However, I will complain about the fact that two out of three pumpkins were snagged from my house the other night! I feel like I've been raped. By a shark. I shouldn't get too pissed...it's not like I've never taken a pumpkin from a house before, but mixed in with the Haunted House thing, it just really chaps my ass.

On the bright side, I am very happy that I can safely leave the rest of my Halloween decorations outside without anyone messing with them - and pumpkins of gigantic sizes are on sale at Walfart for $1. $1! Oh yeah, I did have a can of soup in the witches cauldron out in front to keep it from blowing away in the wind, but those cock-hairs took that too. At least it was vegetable soup, so no real loss I guess...in fact, I should thank them.

There have been plenty of ups to go with my downs however. I'm pretty psyched that I was able to see a few good horror films in theaters lately with Zombieland last week and Paranormal Activity tonight (reviews soon to follow). As always with this time of year, there are a ton of great Halloween programs on TV and I cannot get enough of it! Nothing says Halloween quite like Theo Huxtable in a Dracula custom topped off with a jheri curl wig! There is also a ton of Halloween fun to check out in the blog world too.

Over at Dinner With Max Jenke, my good buddy Jeff has a "Trick or Trailers" countdown to Halloween going on right this very second. He has some awesome trailers and his nostalgic thoughts on them are always entertaining. Every ones favorite Bugg, as in T.L. Bugg of The Lightning Bug's Lair has his own countdown titled: The Halloween Top 13: The Sequel! This is where he counts down his 13 favorite Horror sequels of all time and his picks have been mighty fine thus far. Also, keep a look out, as yours truly will be showing up on there with my own list of favorite horror sequels too! There are a ton of other blogs doing great Halloween shit, but too many for me to mention in just one post.

However, I would like to direct you all over to our good friends (and proud Baby Eaters!) at Planet of Terror who have an interview with Will Devokees, a 20 year old filmmaker who is finishing up his very first feature film, Macabre Medicine. This Grindhouse homage is self-financed by the young filmmaker and we here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby are big supporters of any one that has the tenacity to even attempt to make their own movie...independent Horror is the driving force of creativity, so support it I shall!

I gotta get moving...the Scream Awards are on and that will probably be kind of mediocre I'm sure, but at least it will have some cool shit on it mixed in with the lame musical performances, so I'll check it out. Thanks for listening to my whining and bitching and I would love to hear how your Halloween holiday season is going thus far. Until then, Happy happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...

This Baby Ate Chuck Norris!

Somewhere, Chuck Norris is salivating...



...I might need a to go container.