SlashDance: Nightmare City (1980)

There was a time in the ‘80s where aerobics was so popular that the fashion and rhythmic aerobic moves integrated itself into anything and everything one could imagine. Naturally, this would eventually lead to aerobics making its way to film, specifically the horror genre. While there are plenty of examples of aerobics in horror (Death Spa, Aerobicide, Murder Rock, Slash Dance, etc), one of the most memorable comes from a small but incredible dance scene in Umberto Lenzi’s pseudo-zombie opus Nightmare City.

This scene in question takes place in a television studio, where a number of beautiful women adorned in powder blue leotards erotically erratically dance in a fashion that, despite their best efforts, lacks any sort of synchronization. I would assume the standards would be higher for TV, but then again, the fact that people actually watch a show where women wearing blue spandex perform aerobic inspired dance moves on a set designed by Milton Bradley only proves that people will watch anything. Considering that shows like MTV’s The Grind actually existed, I probably should have never even questioned it.

In any event, the song used for this moment is titled Sustain, and is provided by legendary Italian composer Stelvio Cipriani. The tune is gleefully upbeat in a fashion that makes one want to put on a pair of roller skates and glide through the streets of 1980’s New York while eating an ice cream cone. Of course, a bunch of nice looking ladies in blue onesies is innocent enough, therefore the song is quite fitting; however, things take a frightening turn when the dead body of one of the aerobiciders (that’s a fake word… feel free to use it) is discovered. At this point all hell breaks loose, as a gang of radioactively infected zombies come bursting into the studio, violently attacking everyone in sight and in a variety of grisly ways.

This scene works for a number of reasons, the main one being the fact that it’s so completely ridiculous. Regardless, it has a way of tapping into a fear; a fear of being overwhelmed by madness without any warning; a fear of being suddenly vulnerable in a place that should be safe, which in this case is at work. Sure, the “infected” are wearing bad suits and their makeup looks like puked up breakfast cereal smeared on their faces, but the dance sequence and subsequent attack scene are a highlight of a film that, despite my enjoyment, is a little uneventful.

SlashDance: Night of the Demons (1988)

Stashed within the confines of Kevin Tenney’s Night of the Demons is a moment where time almost seems to stop, making way for a dance sequence so memorable that it was an easy choice when deciding on the inaugural entry of SlashDance. The setting is Hull House, where a bewildered Sal (Billy Gallo) watches as a demon possessed Angela (Amelia Kinkade) goes into a dance so decadent that even the devil himself cannot help but blush.

Despite being strange in the eyes of the straight-laced Sal, the dance seems innocent enough at first, as Angela erotically tosses her body about to the beat of her own demonic drum. Things become a little more interesting, however, when a boombox mysteriously kicks on, and the screeching sounds of Bauhaus’ Stigmata Martyr come hurtling from the speakers. The sequence grows progressively intense and hypnotic in a way that is in tune with the music blaring from the sticker-laden boombox, as Angela spins herself and the viewer alike into a seductive trance of sexual chaos.

What makes this dance scene work so well is simply in the way it’s brought to life. Not only is Amelia Kinkade an incredible dancer and Stigmata Martyr the perfect song, the sequence is impressively constructed. This is most notable when the strobe light kicks on, something that adds a pulsating level of drama to Angela’s movements. It’s obvious that there are a few randomly cut frames that make it look as if Angela is quickly disappearing and reappearing in different places, something that makes the dance even more hypnotically confusing for both Sal and the audience alike.

While Night of the Demons is a fairly hokey, albeit entertaining ‘80s horror romp, the Stigmata Martyr dance scene stands out as an interesting achievement that elevates past the film itself, leaving an iconic imprint on the genre. It’s a moment that transcends the film as a whole, and that’s saying a lot considering we are talking about a movie where Linnea Quigley partakes in a memorable lipstick nipple breach.

Answer Me, You Maggot!: Nightmare - The VHS Board Game

I recently stumbled on this video for the Australian VHS board game, Nightmare, which came on the scene in 1991 and apparently took Australia by storm. The result of Nightmare's popularity can be seen in the video below, which includes a promotional video, a few commercials and a handful of other promotional material, all of which is nothing short of completely magnificent.

And when I say magnificent, I mean, there are some serious dance parties involved here, and all I can wonder after watching this video is where the hell was I when this was all going on? Like, I would have totally killed that dance floor back in '91, straight moving my hips for the love of horror and VHS! But alas, my mad moves and infectious grooves were kept at bay here in the states, only to dream of that one day when they could be unleashed in front of The Gatekeeper!

Check out this video… it's seriously awesome. 

Closed For Vacation

Due to a week long trip to Las Vegas for the Ozawa Cup International Karate Tournament, presented by Las Vegas Shotokan Karate, Chuck Norris Ate My Baby will be closed for the next week or so. It's awful, I know, but if you think about it, you can totally go back and read some old posts (and the grammar that come with them), or come to my house, power wash the entire outside, clean my grill and put up a new roof. That would be swell. When I get back, things will commence as usual, and the only things I have specifically planned are reviews for All the Boys Love Mandy Lane as well as all of the movies in the 6 Films to Keep you Awake Spanish film collection. Sweet, right?! RIGHT?!  

With that said, I will miss you all, and to help tide you over until my already much anticipated return, I leave you with this, something that will truly inspire you to do better for yourself when on the dance floor. Or, a wheat field. That is wheat, right? 

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Holly Waits For No Man Edition!

In honor of the far too long awaited DVD release of Best Worst Movie, a documentary chronicling the enigma that is only known as Troll 2, I shall dedicate this dance party to one of my many favorite moments from the greatest of sequels. Very few can truly grasp what it means to be dope, but one person I know of does it like very few can even conceive of, and that would of course be the incredibly talented, Holly Waits. She's got the look, the moves, the sass and everything in-between to make her a true Freddy's Friday Night Dancing Queen. So without further ado, lets pop in that Memorex cassette tape and let Holly do what she does best, outside of bodybuilding and keeping boys at bay, of course.   

It's probably the quickest dance party of all time, but Holly's spoken word in the second half is something I liken to a form of freestyle rap, and when she spits, she spits venom. It's like Def Poetry Jam but with a fine ass white chick in a Garfield nightgown. Elliot Cooper, you have no clue what you're missing out on with this one. While you're off laying in bed with some dude you call "a friend," Holly is all alone, only to find the time to hone her "I'm one banging broad" skills with precision. Seriously, do you think that mirror reminisces every day about the moment that Holly stood in front of it? Like, I can totally imagine it gets really sad knowing that such a talent will never be displayed on it's reflective surface ever again. This one's to you, Holly Waits, for you bring it unlike no other, and for that, we thank you. 

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Where'd She Just Put That Lipstick? Edition!

"Angela is having a party, Jason and Freddy are too scared to come. But You'll have a hell of a time." Oh, really? Freddy is too scared to come, huh? Well, Angela, you may be throwing the party, missy, but this party is being held in the city's sickest club, Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! With a reputation for some of the bloodiest hot body contests, the deadliest DJs and cocktails that'll straight kill your sobriety, I think it might be Angela that should be scared here, not Freddy. Regardless, Angela is in the (Hull) house and she has her boom box ready to boom-boom the room into a frenzy, and we are more than happy to have her, because the Night belongs to Demons! Kick it Ang! 

First off, I love how this clip starts with super Italian Sal and the line: "Hey Ang, what the fuck are you doing over there?!" It's so great! Go ahead, watch it again…see! Anyway, tonight's rocking clip comes to us from Kevin Tenney's Night of the Demons, with the song, Stigmata Martyr, by Bauhaus. Even though I grew up a huge fan of Punk music, I never got into Bauhaus, but for no other reason than their music never made its way to me, I suppose. Still, the music of theirs that I have heard has been in horror movies, and the music is so perfectly fitted to the films with the specific sound they have. In fact, I would even say the music might even drive scenes like this one - or the opening to The Hunger - and make them more than what they would have been with another artist. 

This entire Angela possession/dance scene really stands out as a whole due to the way the strobe light is used, Angela's crazy dancing and the music. Of course, the second Stooge shows up, Night of the Demons gets right back to business as a wicked cheese-fest. I constantly watched the movie growing up, and boy did I loved it so. For a young horror dude, it had all that I wanted in a horror film. Bewbs, an awesome haunted house setting, sexy girls, it's set on Halloween, it had cool FX, Linnea Quigley and her wonderful film introduction, and of course, bewbs. To watch it through adult eyes, I see how really corny it is as well as how long it takes for the goods to get going, but I still will always have a soft (or hard) spot for Night of the Demons.

Freddy's Friday Night Promenade!

It was inevitable that we would have a prom themed dance party at some point around these here parts, what with the great chance of getting wasted, laid and everything in-between, it's a no-brainer. Proms aren't what they used to be, however, with stories of the big dance starting twenty seconds after school gets out, breathalyzers being used at the door and after parties that are thrown by the school, how can the kids have any fun with these restrictions? Might as well have prom at a church but even they have alcohol, and the confessional would make for a great make-out spot, so maybe that wouldn't be so bad after all. With that said,  if we is having a prom we is having it right, and what better way to do it than to go back to a time when no one gave a crap about boning, boozing and overall excess. I would of course be referring to a time known as the early 80s, and nothing quite says bring it like Jamie Lee Curtis does in 1980's Prom Night! 

 

You know, there's a lot to take in with this extravagant prom dance scene, including an incredible light show, a funktastic disco track, amazingly on point dance moves, even more amazing fashion styles, and still, the star of this show is clearly Jamie Lee's luftballons and the way they move about. It's like her bewbs are having their own little dance off in her top, and both are breaking it down with a fury. It's quite intense.      

While Prom Night is far from a great Slasher film, it does have a few good moments, a (kind of) great opening and Leslie Nielsen being serious. But anyone that has seen Prom Night knows that it is the JLC dance scene that takes the cake, smashes it, then straight busts a move on it afterwards. It's like a really long dance scene for any movie that isn't a Step Up film, and it never gets boring, not even for a millisecond. There could be an argument made that it's the best moment in the film. I'm not sure who would even argue about anything in Prom Night, but I'm just saying. Anyways, I gotta take off for now…I need to go and practice my arm and shoulder moves for a bit, then my serious left to right head jolts. I can't look like a mark ass buster out there on the dance floor, now can I?

Jean-Claude's Friday Night Dance Party Part 3!: Drunken Boxing Edition!

This Muscles from Brussels is truly marking his territory here at CNAMB, and now with his third time tearing it up on the dance floor, Jean-Claude Van Damme has had the most dance party appearances outside of Freddy Krueger. I'm sure that makes him enormously proud. But what he should really be proud of is his ability to tantalize us all with every move he makes, and no, this clip is not quite as infectious and move groovy as My Name is Jean Claude Van Damme - I will Dance For You, but shit will really put you in the mood to let loose. 

This clip comes from the Van Damme 1989 martial arts classic, Kickboxer, and really shows what an imposing force JCVD is when he gets in a groove. He just gets up there and swings his dick around for a minute and next thing you know, dude has two girls under his spell. And heck, how can these ladies resist? I mean, it must be very difficult to fight off the urge to rock it with JCVD when he is adorned with some fabulously fitted khakis, matched with some sort of onesie that looks to have buckles on it. There is no saying no to that, it is what it is, and to fight it is to fight yourself.    

It's no wonder the locals are so quick to brawl with Jean-Claude in what is one of the greatest scenes in all of cinema. Guy came in, looked better than everyone else, danced like Denny Terrio wishes he could, takes all the bitches and then proceeds to rape the floor and shake his butt cheeks like it's no ones business. It was only a matter of time before the male patrons of the finest establishment in Thailand take shots at this khakied dance machine. The fight scene is nothing short of spectacular as Claude Van pulls off his signature moves perfectly, only to finish them with a little sway to show that he is indeed drunk. My personal favorite - the no look, behind the back head butt, only to be one upped slightly by the perfectly placed splits-kick-to-double head-split. Lights out, bitches. 

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: NEEEEEERDS! Edition!

I think most men (and some women) within my age range (late teens-to-early twenties) grew up huge fans of Revenge of the Nerds. I used to watch the first two films like it was going out of style, and much of the appeal to a young male such as myself was definitely the T&A and the toilet humor. What more does one need. Actually, there is something that is needed when enjoying a juvenile comedy with a heart of gold, and that's a musical number!   

Now, I haven't seen any of the Nerd films in a long time, but if I remember correctly, it is this performance that wins the nerd crew the talent show portion of some contest they had where they faced off against the oppressive jocks. This is the performance that won them their freedom.

The first thing I notice when watching this clip, is how funny Poindexter is. Seriously, he is definitely the dork of the group, so nerdy that he can't even make spiky hair and an electronic violin seem cool. Even if any girls were to actually get wet from seeing this epic nerd performance, I bet they all passed by Poindexter for Booger. His hip motions weren't helping his case any either. Still, nowadays he might be able to pass himself off as a hipster, so maybe P-Dex was really just ahead of his time.

Of course, how can I talk about this off the chain performance without bringing up the true star of the show, which comes in the form of hip-hop legend, Lamar Latrell. Dude breaks it down with style and deserves some credit for the flavor he brings to this other wise nerd-centric stage show. He also deserves some cred for being as gay as he was and not hanging around with a better looking group of cats. Maybe he did so just so he could be the one with the most styles perhaps. It's kind of like the pretty girl that hangs with a bunch of busted looking chicks, just so she can be the prettiest.

Anyway, this is a classic scene that simply bleeds 80's cheese, and it is definitely quite entertaining seeing it again, especially because I probably thought it was cool at some point.

Arnold's Friday Night Dance Party!

Hey hoes, it be a late night dance party tonight, as I spent much of the day busy at the gym, working on my bod, getting it primed for tonight's special edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party. I need to be as tight as possible, or the baby oil just won't look right, plus, the stronger I am, the harder I can push myself to keep the darkness illuminated with intense trails from my glow sticks. So I hope you came prepared with a solid tan, deep cuts, massive bulges and a bottle of Nair, because tonight, it's an all-nighter with the one and only, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

What is there really to say about this clip that isn't said all on it's own? The song is fantastic and really gets my blood pumping, and I find it supremely difficult to look away as each move Julius Benedict makes, is one of style and intense dedication to the dance. If being 'Born to be Alive' is a metaphor for falling into a dance trance with nothing but you and your glow sticks, then consider me born like Jason. There should be a dance-off between Arnold's rave dance and Jean-Claude's onsie dance scene from Breakin' for homoerotic supremacy. The winner gets both the glow sticks and the onsie, but more importantly, street cred. Oh, and an Applebee's gift certificate worth $15.

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Renegade Edition!

Taking a slightly different approach with this edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, I thought it would be cool to introduce you to the man behind this week's tight tune. This is a cat that truly walks the walk, a dude that garners respect, but does so with a positive attitude and all while wearing black leather boots, paired up with a matching black leather trench. Get ready to pop that collar kids, 'cause it's time to meet, the one, the only, CHILLY-D!

 

Nothing quite says hip-hop like the Renegade Snake Eater, Lorenzo Lamas. His moves and style out on the street are very impressive, but little boot maneuvers and random references to European fashion are nothing compared to what The Lamas is able to do when he's on stage. So, without any further ado, I present Chilly-D performing, Do You Know Who I Am!   

 

Written and performed by the husband and wife musical super duo, Nick Ashford and Valerie Simpson (as Ashford & Simpson), Do You Know Who I Am is taken from 1984's Body Rock. Directed by Marcelo Epstein, Body Rock is yet another entry into the Hip-Hopsploitation genre and is filled with break dancing, graffiti, and of course, rap skillz. Much of this magic was provided, or was made to appear provided, by the great Lorenzo Lamas, which should really tell you everything you need to know. This would mark the first time that a movie featured on Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party is one that I have not actually seen, but I couldn't sit on these clips any longer then I already have…they are pure gold. The skeleton dance scene is magnificent with its glow-in-the-dark neon colors and slow-mo Nunchaku moves thanks to Chilly-D. However, it does get me a little teary eyed as I wonder whatever happened to dj Skele-tone.

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Helltrack Edition!

Last week's dance party was a bit of a downer, so I thought it would be bad 2 the bone if I dropped some serious funk for this RADical edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! If you spent your time in the mid 80's doing bunny hops and endos, then tonight's clip should be all too familiar. So, why don't you go and grab your Pro Performer, or your Mongoose, and get ready to take a spin on the dance floor with Send Me An Angel!

Written by David Sterry and Richard Zatorski, Send Me An Angel made it's first appearance on the 1983 album Heartland, by Aussie New Wave band, Real Life. However, this classic track made it's way into young American hearts by way of the 1986 BMX film, RAD. Directed by stuntman extraordinaire, Hal Needham, RAD truly is "rad" and was one of my favorite movies as a kid. And how could it not be with this flashier than Flashdance dance scene, to a song as great as Send Me An Angel?!

It's so lame that this STILL isn't out on DVD as there's a lot of greatness to take from this clip, even outside of the angelic BMX moves. There's a wannabe Zabka, a "cru" of V rejects, a drunk old dude, a not so old dude that just doesn't know, and of course, this awesome song is the cherry picker on top. Also, It's quite clear that Lori Loughlin has always been attracted to the boys of bad, as she later went on to famously date (and later marry) Uncle Jesse from the band, Jesse and the Rippers, after a vicious breakup with Cru Jones. I think it's the negative press from that breakup that has kept RAD from being released on DVD, unfortunately, but hopefully that will some day change. Either way, at least there's You Tube and clips like this one (and fourth generation bootlegs), to hold us over until that moment.

On a side note, I should mention that there is a petition to have RAD released on DVD and if you so choose to sign said petition, then click on this link to do so. That is, if you want to be RAD!

Jean-Claude’s Friday Night Dance Party!

With it being Valentine’s Day weekend, I thought I would give you all a Valentine to show how much I love you. This may be one of the most mesmerizing clips I have ever seen and chances are, you will have this catchy tune in your head for weeks!

I have no clue who made this or who crafted this captivating song, but I love it and watch it at least seven times a day. The clip is taken from the 1984 classic Hip-Hop dance film, Breakin’, where this "brief" scene was the extent of Jean-Claude’s role. And what a job he did! He really takes the moves and makes them all his own, and never have I been so enchanted by a man’s hips moving back and forth in a onesie, like I am with JCVD in this clip. With the creation of this video, there is no more need for anti-depression medication anymore – one watch and your whole day is instantly made!

Oh, and you’re welcome!

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Product Placement Edition!

Changing things up for this weeks pajama jammy jam, I thought it would be nice to bring in one of the hottest DJ's working the tables in the underground hip-hop dance scene. Straight from San Fransisco, I now present you with D.J. Tanner! You know the House is always gonna be Full when D.J. Tanner is up in this piece - so lets get ready to enjoy this Hip-hop Happy Meal with Mac and Me!

Man...who the hell invited Kimmy Gibbler? She is totally going to ruin my party!



This 1988 E.T. ripoff is such a fantastic mess and this scene is so moronic, that I just had to include it in a dance party someday. With a large dose of heavy stuff like Coca-Cola, Skittles, and McDonald's, there are more addictive substances in Mac and Me than there are in this entire club! You can see the addiction in the dancers eyes too - the thumb moves, the footloose football players, and that jerk off kid in a wheelchair who can't even at least try to join in by doing some spin moves on one wheel cause he's too doped up on sugar and meal worms! Then there's the Mysterious Alien Creature, otherwise known as MAC, dancing all up on the counter, which is so unsanitary. What kind of germs did that alien asshole bring from planet Mickey D's I wonder?

The one thing I can't help but think is this would totally happen at the exact moment I went into Mac Donald's to get something to eat. I mean business when it comes to eating and all I want to do is get my food, eat it, and get out, but if a dance scene broke out, I can only imagine that there would be no time to make my food, let alone blend me a shake. "Umm…excuse me?! Could you maybe stop dancing and get me my fucking plain double cheeseburger? Maybe?"