32-bit of Terror: Satan's Little Helper (2004)

 

Jeff Lieberman's Satan's Little Helper has been on my radar since, well, since I first read about it in an issue of Fango some 8 years ago now. It's not difficult to figure out why such a film would grab my attention; it has an interesting idea, a cool looking costumed character and, most significantly, it's set on Halloween. But does Satan's Little Helper deliver a proper Halloween treat, or did it leave me tricked out like a $10 hooker in Hoboken? We'll just have to leave it to the 32-bits of Terror to decide the fate of this one, now won't we… 

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Little Douglas Whooly (Alexander Brickel) is obsessed with one thing and one thing only: Satan. This fixation that Dougie has with the dark lord stems from his uncontrollable love for a handheld video game, fittingly titled, Satan's Little Helper. In Satan's Little Helper, the player is given the power to control Satan as he walks the streets, killing people for points with his loyal little helper right by his side. Now, while Dougie is totally "insane for Satan," he is also excited that his sister Jenna (Katheryn Winnick) is coming home from college to take him trick or treating later on in the evening. Unfortunately, however, things get a little ugly when Jenna shows up with her new boyfriend Alex (Stephen Graham), something that Dougie doesn't take all too well. In response, the clearly distraught Dougie takes to the streets in search of his idol, Satan, hoping he might be able to help Dougie get rid of his sister's new meatsicle.

As luck would have it, Dougie comes across someone who he believes is the dark lord Satan himself, and seeing as Dougie's already dressed up as Satan's Little Helper for Halloween, the two naturally become fast friends. However, what Dougie doesn't know is that this so-called Satan (played by Joshua Annex) is actually just a serial killer using Halloween and his mischievous Satanic guise to "decorate" the town with the people he is killing. Regardless, Satan and Dougie embark on an epic killing spree together, with the abnormally gullible Dougie believing it's all just pretend, just like in the Satan's Little Helper video game, where there are no consequences, just a high score. Unfortunately, what Dougie doesn't realize is that the final level in this game of death will be played in the sanctity of his home, with his own family's lives at stake.

Graphics: 6

The actual Satan's Little Helper handheld game is essentially nothing more than a cartoon being sold as a video game. So, outside of it being sort of charming in its low-budgetness, there's really nothing that impressive on that front. On the other hand, what keeps the score above water is the actual game itself, which is purposefully over-the-top in the most entertaining of ways. I mean, this is a game where you not only control Satan, but if you get enough points, you can rip someone's guts out (which brings incredible joy to Dougie)! And to top it off, boss battles consist of fights against angles and even the big man himself, God.

Sound: 5

To be honest, I didn't really notice the sound too much, so I can't really recall whether or not the score was any good, though I assume it's probably your standard low-budget horror film fare. Either way, if I didn't notice the music, then it mustn't have been either bad or good, so I'll give it a middle of the road score.

Terrortainment: 8.5

While there are moments when it comes close to being almost ridiculous, the overall tone is charmingly tongue in cheek, and the film is self-aware enough to where it never goes over-the-top and into a territory where the cynical humor feels cheapened in any way. It's not an easy task to pull off horror and comedy, and while the horror in Satan's Little Helper is far from actually being horrific, it does come correct with a deliciously black sense of humor that's difficult not to enjoy.

Replay Value: 9

I'll lay it straight out on the table here and say that Satan's Little Helper is a superbly entertaining little black-comedy that fans of horror, humor and Halloween should truly love. And I have to admit that I am a tad disappointed in myself for not having watched it sooner than I did; however, I am certain that I'll be revisiting this one a few more times, as Satan's Little Helper will definitely being going into the Halloween season rotation.

The 32-bit Rating: 7.125

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Sorry, but the only trailer I can find is in Spanish, but it's sort of cool that way.

32-bits of Terror: Brainscan (1994)

When I originally came up with the idea of doing 32-bits of Terror, the first film that immediately came to mind was Brainscan. When Brainscan was released back in 1994, I absolutely loved it. I was around 17-years-old, and being a horror fan (as well as a teen heartthrob), I was easily swayed by a film whose central character reads Fango and has a bad-ass bedroom coated in horror paraphernalia. Brainscan was genetically tailor made for a kid such as myself at that age. But how does it stack up for the old man I would eventually grow up to be? Well, the 32-bits of Terror shall give us as good an answer as any…

Directed by John Flynn, Brainscan follows Michael (John Conner), a teenager obsessed with two things: his straight-bangin' next-door neighbor, Kimberly (Amy Hargreaves), and horror films. Much like most young horror fiends, Michael is obsessed with anything and everything horror related. When he learns about a video game called Brainscan, the most interactive and mind-bendingly realistic horror game ever created, Michael knows he has to check it out to see if it really lives up to the hype. 

As it turns out, Brainscan does deliver the goods, and Michael finds himself playing the ultimate first-person horror game; one where he is in full control of a sick and demented serial killer who is slicing and dicing his way through the neighborhood. Michael cannot believe just how intense and real this experience is at first. However, there's a pretty good reason why Brainscan is so immersive, and that's because Michael is actually committing these murders in the real world. Michael isn't doing it all alone, though, as he does receive some inspirational guidance from a character known as Trickster (T. Ryder Smith), a guy who... well, actually, I'm not actually sure what his purpose is outside of dancing around like a jerk-off and unsuccessfully pandering to a specific audience.

*cough-FreddyKruegerfans-cough*

Pardon me.

 Graphics: 7/10

There are, unfortunately, no actual video game graphics to be judged here, so I'm basing this score solely on special effects alone. Brainscan came along at a critical time when CGI had really started to become integrated into the world of special effects, and while the CGI is certainly laughable, it's kind of fun to look back on the form in its early stages. It's like watching Clash of the Titans; It looks ridiculously fake now, but it nostalgically shuttles you back to a certain time while showing that there is always room for innovation (and in the case of CGI, there always is).

Outside of the random acts of CGI, Brainscan mixes in a multitude of other visual tricks. Optical effects, reverse photography and the gold standard in the medium, practical make-up, are all on showcase in Brainscan. And quite frankly, it's cool to see all these tricks(ter) of the trade being used in one film, as that is essentially the best way SPFX can be utilized; using all of the tools in the toolbox, instead of simply relying on CGI alone.    

Sound: 7/10

Despite the fact that the OST does reflect the time period nicely, outside of Primus' "Welcome to this World" and White Zombie's "Thunder Kiss '65," I cannot say that I ever really dug much of the music in Brainscan. The reason I give the film's sound a good score is mostly due to the fact that I actually really enjoy its main theme, which was scored by George S. Clinton. Something about the piano and the brooding guitar just work for me. Though, it very much reminds me of something that you would hear from a Nightmare film, which is fitting considering Brainscan was a poor attempt at pandering to the Nightmare crowd. Regardless, it's an awesome song. 

Replay Value: 7/10

Brainscan is one of those movies I used to watch quite often back in my late teen years, so that automatically garners it some points in the replay value cata-gory. However, I am surprised that after seeing it again so many years later, and so many years matured, I feel as if I could easily toss this flick in at least a few more times within my lifespan.

Terrortainment: 6.5/10

Whether or not I enjoy Brainscan, I cannot say that it's necessarily all that entertaining. Furlong's performance and some of the dialogue notwithstanding, there is little that's worthy of a laugh. Worse yet, the so-called main antagonist, Trickster, is such a poorly conceived villain in every way, shape and form, providing very little in terms of actual "entertainment," which was the point of the character. Amiright?!

Overall, the kills are mediocre at best, and even if it's the basis for the film's story, the video game presence is basically limited to a countdown screen. With that said, I do enjoy the first kill, which is shot much like a first-person shooter. Actually, it would have been great had they kept that first-person style the standard for the rest of the film's death scenes, as it would have given the movie a proper video game feel. 

 The 32-Bit Rating: 6.875

Brainscan has totally been judged with a nostalgic curve. Actually, that might be the case for a great deal of the older films and/or segments that will grace the demented corridors of the 32-bits of Terror. It is what it is, and I make no bones about it; Brainscan is not a great film, but it certainly isn't a bad one, either. It was and is comfort food that tasted good because I could sort of relate to it, and it still has a nice flavor even now due to the great nostalgia it brings to the table. 

32-bits of Terror: Nightmares (1983)

The segments found in Joseph Sargent's 1983 film Nightmares were originally intended to be aired as a part of the ABC horror series The Darkroom, but when they were deemed too intense for American audiences Universal Pictures released the four segments in theaters as an anthology film. Nightmares is one of those movies that, due to a mixture of late night cable and the wicked insomnia problem I suffered from as a young hustler, I have incredibly fond memories of. The funny thing though, is those fond memories aren't really for the film as a whole, as I honestly cannot remember any one of the four segments outside of one, and that comes from the film's second chapter:

The Bishop of Battle

The Bishop of Battle stars Emilio Estevez as J.J., a video game wiz whose life has become overtaken by a desire to get to level 13 of one of the most difficult games ever designed, The Bishop of Battle. J.J. is first introduced as he and his best buddy Zock (played by one Billy Jayne) are out hustling money from fellow gamers (aka over-the-top, stereotypical Mexican gangsters) in the hopes that J.J. can nab enough cash so he can afford a few rounds against the Bishop.     

After staying out a little too late trying to make it to the almighty level 13, J.J. goes home only to catch a bunch of shit from his parents who are royally peeved due to his sudden drop in grades and crummy attitude. Because parents are simply too stupid to understand the importance of video games over garbage like math and science, they ground J.J. for a week.

A week?!

Being grounded means very little to a guy like J.J., as his obsession is far too great to be oppressed by parental tyranny. As a result, and soon after his parents fall asleep, J.J. sneaks out and breaks into the arcade for an evening with the Bishop (this is starting to sound a little homosexual, no?).

In an intense battle between man and machine, J.J. does finally make it to level 13. However, as it turns out, level 13 isn't exactly what he expected, and the game world crosses over into the real world with devastating results.

Graphics: 7/10

One word: laZers. And lots of 'em. In the post Tron world of 1983, the old school optical effects in The Bishop of Battle are surprisingly solid for such a minor film. The 3D game graphics blend well with the real world surroundings, making J.J.'s battle with the Bishop as realistic as can be, considering the technology available for the time. Apparently, all of the game sequences were so costly that the production nearly went bankrupt. But hey, at least they put their money into the right segment, right?

Sound: 9/10

Nothing says high score like a soundtrack consisting of music from Fear and Black Flag. 'Nuff said.

Terrortainment: 8/10

It's your standard morality tale with a video game hook, but the briefness of the segment, which runs just under 30-minutes, makes for the perfect little horror snack when the belly aches for a slice of cheap, lean '80s horror. The video game scenes are as fun as they are nostalgic, and it's cool to look back on a time when arcades were as abundant as they were popular. 

Something that's always been one of my favorite things about The Bishop of Battle segment is Estevez, who is, as he was in most every film he starred in around this time, awesome. Actually, Estevez was one of my first favorite actors when I was a young buck, so it's pretty difficult for me not to love the segment, as his bratty character was one of many that I could relate to growing up.

Replay Value: 8/10

I've made it to level 13 many times throughout my youth, and I can very easily see myself revisiting the Bishop at least a few more times within my lifetime.

The 32-Bit Rating: 8

Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper

I was recently informed about the upcoming XBOX 360 release for the game Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper and the promotion that is going along with it. I thought this might be something that some of you may be interested in, but even before deciding that I would post this, I looked up the game to see if it was worth telling you all about. Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper is a PC port of a game from The Adventure Company, a developer that specializes in mystery and horror games. Seeing as this is a PC port, I looked up to see the kind of reviews it got on PC and they were solid with an average of 7.5 from reviewers and an 8.5 from users.

Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper is set to be released on 4/20/2010, but pre-orders are available and that is where the deal comes in. The game is reasonably priced at $39.99 and if you pre-order the game, you will receive a bonus of The Mystery Five Collection, which consists of five horror/mystery PC games including: Sherlock Holmes: The Silver Earring - Sherlock Holmes: Awakened - Sherlock Holmes: Nemesis - The Mystery of the Mummy - and Dracula Origins. Also included in the pre-order deal is the Agatha Double Murder Mystery Pack.

I did get my hands on what I believe to be an exclusive trailer for the 360 release, so check it out to see if it tickles your turkey burger or not. 

 

I wouldn't say it looks to be setting the world ablaze with it's graphical prowess, but it is a port and the graphics are more than serviceable for the type of game this is.  It's all about the atmosphere, the mystery and puzzle solving, as well as the idea of having two legends face each other in a battle of wits.

Below I have provided the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper synopsis, as well as some of the games features. If you are down for a whole lot of mystery, for a small amount of cash, then head over and pre-order. The pre-order deal is going on for the remainder of March, so if interested, you have some time to spare, but don't spare too much now!  

PREMISE

A horrible series of murders are uncovered in the eastern district of London and the police have no serious leads. Take on the role of master sleuth Sherlock Holmes as you venture into the dark, grim streets of London searching for the macabre trail of… Jack the Ripper. During this terrifying adventure, Sherlock will attempt to shed some light on the mystery that shrouds the identity and motive of the infamous killer.

FEATURES

• From the award-winning developers of Sherlock Holmes: The Awakened
• Scour eerie environments and interrogate mysterious suspects
• Search carefully for clues in first-person, or zoom-out to third-person and observe the incredible surroundings
• An original system that allows you to piece together individual crimes and test your hypothesis as the investigation unfolds