Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Holly Waits For No Man Edition!

In honor of the far too long awaited DVD release of Best Worst Movie, a documentary chronicling the enigma that is only known as Troll 2, I shall dedicate this dance party to one of my many favorite moments from the greatest of sequels. Very few can truly grasp what it means to be dope, but one person I know of does it like very few can even conceive of, and that would of course be the incredibly talented, Holly Waits. She's got the look, the moves, the sass and everything in-between to make her a true Freddy's Friday Night Dancing Queen. So without further ado, lets pop in that Memorex cassette tape and let Holly do what she does best, outside of bodybuilding and keeping boys at bay, of course.   

It's probably the quickest dance party of all time, but Holly's spoken word in the second half is something I liken to a form of freestyle rap, and when she spits, she spits venom. It's like Def Poetry Jam but with a fine ass white chick in a Garfield nightgown. Elliot Cooper, you have no clue what you're missing out on with this one. While you're off laying in bed with some dude you call "a friend," Holly is all alone, only to find the time to hone her "I'm one banging broad" skills with precision. Seriously, do you think that mirror reminisces every day about the moment that Holly stood in front of it? Like, I can totally imagine it gets really sad knowing that such a talent will never be displayed on it's reflective surface ever again. This one's to you, Holly Waits, for you bring it unlike no other, and for that, we thank you. 

Chuck Norris Caption Action Kick!: Hell of the Living Dead!

Hell of the Living Dead is a 1981 Italian zombie film, and as with many Italian zombie films, it is a rip-off of a handful of other successful movies of the time, namely, Dawn of the Dead. Sometimes completely boring, sometimes completely entertaining, this sloppily made film is more than fun and even more than ridiculous with its poor gore FX and incredibly painful and overly used stock footage.

Brought to us by Bruno Mattei, Hell of the Living Dead was co-written by frequent Mattei collaborator, Claudio Fragasso, who also did some of the second unit directing that, consisted of effects work to beef up the grue. If the name Claudio Fragasso sounds somewhat familiar, it's because he is the man responsible for bringing cinema one of its finest films ever constructed, Troll 2. That should tell you all you need to know…

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I didn't know Rumer Willis worked with hazardous materials?

(If you are not aware, Rumer Willis, daughter of Bruce and Demi, has a massive noggin. Like, Rocky Dennis makes fun of her massive)

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"You got something on your shoulder…here, let me get it for you!"

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"Who wants to hear some of my freestyle? Throw your guns in the air..."

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"Remember, whomever cums last, has to eat the cookie. All of it."

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"Wake up honey, it's 7:45, you're gonna be late for work…"

"I'm not going in today, babe…I'm feeling a little under the weather, and I'm DEAD tired!"  

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"Your lack of breast milk really irks me, daddy…"

"Guess this will just have to do then."

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"You wouldn't by any chance happen to have a napkin on you? That damn buffalo wing sauce gets everywhere, doesn't it?!"

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Even the natives can't help but get swelled heads when they run into a naked white women with jungle bush. Just ask the guy with the diaper.

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"Hey, I could really go for some of that Oil of Olay you got over there…" 

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The disturbing and corrupting effects that rap music has on decent white women.

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"Nope, I don't see your cat up here either."

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Looks like someone didn't get the memo.

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"Anyone seen the lifeguard around? Um, help?"

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I'm chewing in the rain, chewing in the rain…

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"Hey, let us in and we'll tell you all about Jesus…at least take a few of these pamphlets!" 

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: OH MY GOD!!! Edition!

What up partner?! I see you've decided to take a trip and explore the wild side of you inner dance machine this fine and lovely evening. Well, my young and influential friend, you quite possibly have made the greatest decision in your life, because you just came into the hottest thing since two-ply toilet paper...Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!! YEAHHHHHHHHHH! This is the dopest club in town, with the flyest women, the coolest dudes, and the strongest Quaaludes in all of Mexico! And we're not even in Mexico! Imagine that! First round is on me, and remember that if I give you any powdered mixes to secretly put in a pretty lady's drink later on...kay?! It's alright, there just vitamins that they sometimes forget to take at night when they're partying hard, I just wanna look out for their health and shit dawg...just don't tell them about it! We got each other’s backs here at Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, we also have each other’s venereal diseases as well...but you gotta take the good with the bad I guess. YEOWWWWWA!! Let’s cut the chitchat and turn this mother out already! You really picked a sick night to walk in these doors, as we have the most super of special DJs this evening...straight outta Nilbog, we got da hottest of da hot, the one who don't stop with the body drop - I present you, DJ Holly Waits!! And what's this that she's brought with her?! Oh snap! It's Hunger Pains, by hip-hop revolutionaries, The Electric Duck Experience Ltd.!

Great...is that guy over there eating eggs?! BLECH!



Boy I cannot get enough Troll II, and if this isn't one of the greatest things you have ever seen, then I am sorry, but you have to leave the club immediately! I don't know anything about who put this Hunger Pains video together, but it is totally brilliant and one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Troll II is just one of those rare films that inspire people to make shit like this, and there are a ton of great clips and fan made videos strewn throughout you tube that are inspired by the worst movie of all time, but this is one of my favorites fo sho. Certainly deserving of a proper dance party it is, and like Yoda I speak, for reasons I am not sure of.

Enough of that crap, how bout that DJ tonight? Man, that Holly Waits woman is right off the meat rack, son! OWWWWWWA! I bet she could use a nice dose of vitamins...err, you know, because she has a bit of a cough and we would want her to go back to Nilbog sick...right?! Anyways, hope you all enjoyed tonight’s Dance Party, it was a pleasure having you and chances are that it would pleasure you to have me sometime.