The Horror Hangover

Hey hey hangers, it's time to gear up for another day of wondering how you got home last night - why is there a mixture of apple sauce and angel hair all over your kitchen floor - and who the hell are those people in your bed?! Well, now is not the time to answer these burning questions, as I think it would just be easier to let that shit play out on its own. Kick back, get comfy and prepare once again, for The Horror Hangover. Presented by Taco Bell's Über Taco Nacho Fiesta Torpedo.

Hope you're ready for the insanity of an all Lifetime/SyFy afternoon. To some, that's what life is all about, to others, it's time to head for the hills, even if they do have eyes. Wherever you may fall, the SyFy/Lifetime combo is a lethal one indeed, one that calls for a mixture of hair pulling, CGI monsters, torn women, bad medieval accents and of course, pure gold. Oh, and a fantastic chance that Capser Van Dien may show up somewhere. Or so we hope. 

Where should we start…okay, we'll get rolling with SyFy for an early showing of Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God at 9:30. This is actually a direct-to-DVD sequel to the 2000 D&D film, one that I admittedly have an incredible soft spot for. So I would probably give this a shot if it's on TV and I have nothing else to do, like wash my hair, or feed my cat, or maybe clip my toenails.

Up next, SyFy keeps it moving with Dark Relic at noon. And no, it's not about George Hamilton…he has more of a golden complexion as opposed to dark. Dark Relic is another movie set in the middle ages but with a touch of horror added for fun. From what I read about it, the acting is pretty good, the story is decent, but the film is not the best. But really, what can you expect when there is no Van Dien around?  

At 2:00 SyFy keeps with its Medieval theme with Witchville, witch has a TV Guide description of: A prince returns home and finds that his father is dead and the kingdom has been overrun by witches. Sold.

Finishing off the day for SyFy is In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale at 4:00. Now, I am already tired of this genre just typing about it, but this Uwe Boll film is so entertaining for many reasons. Two of them being Mathew Lillard and Ray Liotta's intense performances. It is pretty terrible, but I have grown to enjoy Boll's films over the years. He makes true modern B-Movies without even trying.    

Boy, this Hangover just got really long all of the sudden, but luckily Lifetime isn't as bulbous as SyFy today, so why don't we head on over there for the last few films of the afternoon. First up comes Devil in the Flesh 2: The Fleshinator at 1:00. Okay, maybe it's not The Fleshinator, but I would imagine that there was a point in time when the thought crossed someone's mind in the marketing department. I can't imagine this one won't be solid – just look at the DVD artwork. 

And finally, our last film of the day, Wicked, comes to us at 3:00. Wicked stars Julia Stiles in one of her earlier roles, and out of everything on today's Hangover, this one seems to be the most interesting, as it is about a young girl that wants to be "with" her dad, and no one will stand in her way, not even her own mother. Kind of gross, but it makes for a perfect Lifetime movie and the perfect ending to this week's Hangover.