New Year's Revolution!

First off, I quickly wanted to say that I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve. I know I did with a disturbing amount of alcohol and the eventual breakout of what I like to call, Matt's Moves. The dance floor will never be the same again.With the year known as 2010 being over and done with, it's time to look forward to the future here at CNAMB. Now that the year has passed, it's time to start thinking about my best (and worst) films of 2010. I figured I would wait until the year was actually over to put something together, which gave me some more time to catch up with a few films that I wanted to see, even if I missed way more than I would've liked to. Either way, that should be making its way to these here parts in the next week or so as well as a few other year end thingies.

As far as the blog goes, there will be a few changes, mostly with the exclusion of a few key segments that have been around for nearly as long as this blog has been kicking. I will more than likely do one last Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party to send it out on a fun note, and it's all but a big bye-bye for The Horror Hangover, too. They seem to have lost their luster and become a choir more than anything. It's fun to come up with various ways to do segments like those but, at the same time, nothing sucks worse than having to feel obligated to do them. Also, spending up to an hour trying to find some of the videos for FFNDP is nothing short of time consuming and frustrating.

With segments leaving equals more time to do other shit. I don't have anything specifically planned, but I would like to do different things like the True Grit/Winter's Bone post or the Brundlefly Christmas gift guide, which were posts that I wrote instead of wasting time throwing Dance Parties and having Hangovers (which only made the previous decision all the easier). I also want to try and scale down the length of my reviews. I have an incredibly difficult time writing short reviews, only because I usually have so much to say and it's hard for me not to say it all (and yet I hold back so much!). However, I think these over a thousand word reviews may be a bit alienating to some of you kids out there. The comments have dropped drastically, and I would assume that it was either due to A) my reviews suck, or B) people see the length and for the hills they run (that's not what she said). I can at least try and fix one of those issues.

Now this post is suddenly getting too long, so I leave you with this, a thank you to everyone that made 2010 a great year here at CNAMB, as well as a massive thanks to all of the awesome people that have breached the internet to become good friends. And now, onto 2011…

The Horror Hangover

With the holiday season now upon us, as well as me being a bit pickier with my movie choices as of late, things might be getting a little scarce around here at the good ol' Horror Hangover. Most every movie on TV is a Christmas one, and while I certainly do enjoy me a good, or even bad, Christmas movie from time-to-time, there aren't many feel good holiday movies that could actually make the cut. It takes something special, and you will know what I mean by special when the time comes, if it does indeed come. I don't even know what that means…trying to be all cryptic and shit.

Anyways, let's get on with the hangover. As I said, it's a short one, but it packs a heck of a punch, and that is certainly the case with our first film, Hero, which is on IFC at 10:25. If you've never had the chance to check out this magnificent Martial Arts film, then you need to do yourself a favor and sit down and watch it. It has a cast that is simply to die for, a powerful story and amazingly choreographed fight scenes that are only enhanced by just how beautiful the film looks in every capacity. Even if you aren't down with Martial Arts cinema, then you need to get over it and watch Hero. I guarantee you won't be disappointed.

 

Next up, we can all head over to Sundance for a 1:40 showing of Capturing the Friedmans, a documentary about a family that is torn apart when a father and son are investigated for child molestation. I've actually not had the chance to catch up with this one yet, but have heard great things about it for quite some time, and it is sitting in my Netflix instant queue just waiting for the right moment. I don't have Sundance, so I won't be catching it this time around but with its quality reputation, I figured it was worth sharing.

And since this is such a scant hangover, I'll toss in a bonus one with The Walking Dead on AMC, which is showing every episode starting as 4:30 and going right on up until the season finale at 10:00! I've really enjoyed the show thus far and cannot wait to see how things end, though, I do not look forward to the long wait in store before the next season begins.

The Horror Hangover

It's the long holiday weekend for many of you out there in internet land, and between one of the biggest drinking nights of the year, the overindulgence of Thanksgiving, the stress of Black Friday and now the weekend, you crazy bastards must be straight toast by now. Well, my dear readers, I am here to spread the buttery love that is only known as The Horror Hangover all over your fragile self, so please, lay flat and let me spread away.

It's a very short and easy (*insert mom joke here*) hangover for this fine afternoon as every movie I deemed worthy will be found over at AMC, so you really don't even have to move. Well, outside of maybe leaning your head over the edge of the couch for a good vomit, but that should be all. Starting things off - and in an odd coincidence wherein this hangover ties in with the most recent Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party – our first film of the day comes to us in the form of an unstoppable killing machine, The Terminator, which is making its nude appearance at 10:30.

If a sci fi version of a Slasher film isn't your bag, but you yearn for some Arnold in your day (and I mean, who doesn't need a little Arnold in their day?), then don't go too far as 1:00 gives us one of cinema's toughest action films ever created, Predator. Biceps, big-BIG guns, lots of sweat, great one-liners and a badass monster, and it's all right there for the taking.

You know what, though? Maybe you need a little more Predator in your day, and you could even go for a nice dose of Lethal Weapon. Well, go no further because AMC is showing Predator 2 at 3:30. While it goes without saying that I love The Terminator and Predator, many are divided on Predator 2. Some hate it, some enjoy it. Me, I have always found it to be a fun follow-up, and the urban setting is a pretty awesome one if you ask me. So there you have it.

That'll do it this time around. Hope you all have had a great holiday weekend and we'll see you next time!

The Horror Hangover

Hey-hey, hangers! It's another Sunday, so I suppose it's time for the freshest edition of, The Horror Hangover. Brought to you by: The impending doom that is Christmas shopping and the alcoholic binge we will all have to go on to deal with all that shit, and Under Armor. It's not the bulkiest of Hangovers, but it will do with a few films of that are of extreme quality and a few that might lack said quality.  

We can set our first destination to AMC, where they have a nice little Alien marathon starting at 9:00 with the original Alien, followed by Aliens at 11:30 and rounding out the xenomorphic day is Alien 3 at 2:30. I mean, that's really a decent way to spend your afternoon, and I think the Alien sequels especially make for great hangover food.

Now, we can all join hands and head on over to SyFy for the last few films on today's "short stacked" hangover. Starting us off is a film featuring a little man with a heart of gold, and that would be Leprechaun 3, which is showing at 11:00. You gotta love the Leprechaun films for what they are…fun, fun and filled with lots of puns. Also, this third entry is directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith, so you know that it will have something to enjoy. Whether or not it's actually good is another matter.

Last movie for the day is the obnoxiously titled, Wes Craven Presents Dracula III: Legacy, which is making it's way onto TV screens across America at 1:00. I have seen the first two Dracula 2000 set of films, and they were okay enough, I suppose. Who knows what is in store with this one, but I am sure someone out there has an answer for me.

That's all for this episode of, The Horror Hangover. Until next time!

The Hunky Action Hangover

Eh, it does have a nice ring to it but the only reason for this one time name change is the fact that the only two movies worth a damn on cable television today come in the form of hunky action stars in their respective hunky action roles. Hunky being subjective, I would assume, specifically with the first film on todays hangover, which comes to us in the form of the Sly Stallone actioner, Cliffhanger, playing on AMC at 10:00. I have never had the chance to catch up with Cliffhanger and for no other reason than I just haven't. I have, however, seen Oscar. In the theaters. I am slightly ashamed of all that I have confessed to today. Please, forgive me.



One film that I have seen, and many time, is our next and finale movie of this wicked short hangover, and that would be Road House, showing at 3:00 on VH1. Now, when you think action hunks, it get no hunkier - and more homoerotic - than one Pat Swayze in his ballet inspired martial arts prime. Mix that in with a little fatherly figure love from Sam Elliott, a monster truck, a handful of great barroom brawls, a hot blonde doctor and a whole lot of olive oil, and you have yourself the perfect movie to help with that vicious hangover.


That is all for today…until next time, my dear friend. Until next time.

The Horror Hangover

Holy hangover, Batman, it's The Horror Hangover. Sorry, that's a lame ass way to start off a post. You deserve better than that. You deserve better because it is you that suffers from the horrors you have put your body through in the past 24 hours. It's not even so much you that has caused this as much as it is the disturbing amount of alcohol that made its way down your throat, the 3 packs of Parliament Ultras that you smoked and the dirty person you poked afterwards. It happens. So let's start over again…My name is Matt, and I would like you to take a load off after your rough evening and enjoy, The Horror Hangover. Presented by Stayfree.  

We'll kick this bitch off over at SyFy for a triple thrash threat of incredible special effects and story lines, starting at 11:00 with Cyclops, a film about a Cyclops. Following Cyclops, SyFy spins a web of mystery and suspense with Ice Spiders at 1:00. I've seen Ice Spiders and it is terrible, sure, but it's also pretty fun, so in the pantheon of SyFy films, Ice Spiders is a go in my book. Keeping with the mutated animal theme, SyFy shows a movie that I actually have been wanting to see for some time now (I'm serious), and that's Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus at 3:00.

Speaking of sharks, AMC is showing Deep Blue Sea at 3:30. Now, I hate and have a Deep (blue) SEAded fear of sharks. Like, it's really bad. However, I love Deep Blue Sea and think it's simply a fun giant monster movie made in the truest of B-Movie fashions. Even though I have seen it quite a few times, I am still such a pus about sharks that I shudder at the idea of watching the movie and seeing one of those disgusting assholes open their mouth. So it's all you.

Ending the day, we head over to TNT for a back-to-back does of Tarantino's Kill Bill films, starting at 3:00 with Kill Bill: Vol. 1, with Vol. 2 immediately afterwards at 5:15. Funny enough, as I am writing this, Vol. 2 is on TNT, and I just watched the trailer fight scene between The Bride and Elle Driver. I couldn't resist. Love both the Kill Bill films, especially the first one, so my recommendation is a no-brainer. If you don't have time to watch the films, take a minute and watch the whole bloody affair below.   

The Halloween Hangover

Well, it's Halloween, and as I was putting together all the films that would have been featured on this special Halloween edition of The Horror Hangover, I realized that there are so many movies to be seen that I wouldn't be able to do more than simply list them. There are a shit ton of movies and Halloween related marathons of all sorts showing on TV today, which is to be expected, so I thought why don't I make this Hangover a special one and pick only a handful of films that I think that everyone should watch today, if you already haven't made movie plans, that is.

First up, AMC has really stepped it up this season with a much stronger and more diverse line-up of horror movies than they have in years. Often criticized for only showing the 4th and 5th Halloween films constantly, this Halloween AMC has a Halloween (the film series) marathon with the crowing jewel being Halloween III: Season of the Witch, which is on at noon. The reason for my pick of this underappreciated gem is because I have always loved it, even before it was kinda cool to say so, but more so because it's never on TV. Out of all the Halloween films that get major airplay at this time of year, Season of the Witch is always left behind, standing there with an empty trick or treat bag, all sad looking. How can you turn down such a sweat little maggot ridden face?

My next pick for the day comes later on when Turner Classic Movies waxes that ass with a 6:15 showing of House of Wax. You know, it would do you no wrong to just leave TCM on all day long if you ask me, but I specifically love the original remake House of Wax quite a bit and you know it will look as nice as it can on TCM. And really, what's better than the dramatics of the great Vincent Price? 

Now, while I would consider sitting through Carpenter's Halloween, or Romero's Night of the Living Dead the smart way to go on Halloween, films like that are all just a little too obvious. Instead, I will make my third pick a fun one and go with the sequel to last year's mega-hit, My Super Psycho Sweet Sixteen 2, showing at 6:00. To be honest, I only watched a few moments of the first film (but I still really wanna see it!), but whenever I saw the trailer for this (la)M(e)TV production, I must admit, I got kind of stoked. I'm a stickler for a bad Slasher, and for whatever odd reason, I think MSPSS2 looks like it could be a fun one.

 

Last but certainly not least, we head back to AMC for the television event of the decade, the 10:00 premier of The Walking Dead, with a replay at 11:30. I mean, do I really need to say why this is a pick? You were planning on watching it anyway, but how could I not list it? Why are there so many questions? Why are my pants not on?

Hey, don't go too far as tonight brings forth a brand new Halloween episode of the hottest dance show on television, Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! I know it's not Friday, but bear with me here. Sea-ya-then, pumpkin punchers!

The Horror Hangover

Not too much of a surprise that with Halloween only one week away (where does the time go? Seriously?!), we are graced with a hangover worthy of the Great Pumpkin, Robert Z'Dar. I know, most people don't know that Z'Dar is the Great Pumpkin, but I mean, who else could it be? Anyways, as I was saying, this is a potent hangover for sure, so if you're feeling a lot like you were raped by the Great Pumpkin with how much you drank last night, then we are here to give you a little something to take your mind off things. 

Why not go ahead and get SyFy out of the way, shall we? They start the day for us with a double does of men with runny noses with a 9:00 showing of Boogeyman, followed by Boogeyman 2 at 11:00. If those two films are snot good enough for you, then SyFy follows them both up with the film adaptation of Clive Barker's The Midnight Meat Train at 1:00. Surprisingly, that film does not star Peter North.

Okay, three down and a whole lot more to go! Yeah!! Can you feel the pump yet?!?! Well, you will once we head on over to AMC, which is surprisingly not showing Halloween 4 and 5 on a continuous loop. Yet. They start us off with a handful of family pets gone wrong Stephen King stories, starting with Pet Sematary at 9:45, followed by that big ol' lug, Cujo, at 11:45.

Not to be stopped, AMC keeps us going with a 1:45 showing of 1999's House on Haunted Hill, followed by that film's sequel, Return to House on Haunted Hill, at 3:45. And because we're on a role and I don't feel like stopping while the horror train is at full speed, AMC keeps the rest of our hungover Sunday a horror filled one with Constantine at 5:30, followed by zombies on meth in 28 Days Later at 8:00, and ending AMC's day is Jeepers Creepers 2, which is showing at 10:45 PM.

That about does it for movies, but I do have a few more tricks down my pants still, so don't go running off just yet. The first one comes to us from Biography and their new documentary, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Inside Story Pt. 1, which is showing at 4:00, followed by the second part at 6:00. That's four hours, with commercials, of Freddy docu-action, so I find that to be exciting, that's for sure. Now, the description states that it has all new interviews and all that jazz, but it is odd that there is yet another beefy Nightmare doc in such a short amount of time. So anyone with some info, please, share with the rest of the class.

And last, but certainly not least, The Travel Channel is showing Ghost Adventures from 9:00AM to 11:00PM!! WHAT?!?! There's no reason that you should not at least make some time in your day to spend a few moments with Zac Bagans, his bod and the other guys that no one care about. 

That does it for me, kiddies…enjoy your hangover as best you can.

The Horror Hangover

Halloween is rapidly approaching us, and I sure as heck know that this slow build-up has me in the spirit for some spirits, if you get my draft. The weather is simply perfect for a nice beverage or two, in fact, it's almost too nice, which can result in too many, which can equal a downfall where you loose all sense of direction and find yourself in some nasty person's bed the next morning. Seriously though, there are worse things, like that nasty person being in YOUR bed, in which case the hangover is simply intensified by at least four. Maybe even five depending on if any of your parts have a strange tingle afterwards.

Well, if you have fallen into the trap of overindulgence, then you came to the right place to recuperate, The Horror Hangover. With it being Chucktober and all, I thought I would try and add some flavor to your bitter bear face by bringing in a few Halloween/Horror non-film treats for you. Unfortunately, this only resulted in one find, Ghostly Encounters, which is on Biography at 11:30. It's called Ghostly Encounters, so I will assume that it has something to do with ghosts, maybe? The info for the show said the episode deals with generational spirits, meaning, it will about folks with ghostly visits from their ancestors. I'm sure it will be captivating.  

Okay, now we can all pack up and head over to SyFy for an 11:00 showing of, Death Tunnel. Now, chances are if you're a guy (or possibly a girl) that spends a lot of time at dive bars, then there is a good chance that you have run into a few Death Tunnels yourself, resulting in a call to the doctors office about your malfunctioning train. However, that is not the Death Tunnel we're talking about today, instead, Death Tunnel is the movie that has this for a poster…

It's all you.

Don't go too far, as our next film, Intermedio, is on SyFy at 1:00. I was thinking this one sounded familiar, then I saw that Cerina Vincent is in it and I then remembered that it was just featured on a recent Hangover. So yeah, it probably won't be very good, sure, but as I said, it does have some Cerina Vincent, which is a lot better than what can often be found in a SyFy film. 

Now, even if you're not into sex-pots like Vincent - or you prefer your meat to have an outie instead of an innie - then SyFy is showing Ghost Voyage at 3:00. And no, despite the title, Ghost Voyage isn't a sequel to Ghost Ship but it does star Antonio Sabato Jr., who is best known for his roles in…uhhh…errr…ehhh….oh, he was in an episode of Charmed! I knew I recognized him from somewhere.

Well, with the way this Hangover has gone so far, sleeping in may not be a bad idea, but at least TCM is nice enough to show us what it's made of with a 12:30 showing of Earth vs. the Flying Saucers. The title tells you everything, though, I wonder if Harryhausen was inspired by Antonio's fat nipples for his flying saucer designs?

 

That's all for now, kiddies…hope to bring you some better quality cinema with next week's films, but for now, hang and hang hard.

The Horror Hangover

The season is a changing, and with that comes a chill in the air that I find to be quite refreshing, especially when my hand is furnished with a beverage of high alcohol content. It helps fight off the germs that are all around us with all of those nasty peps wiping their nose and putting their fingers in their mouth and shit. However, too much alcohol can just open you up to allow that sickness to lay it down on you hard, resulting in one hell of a hangover. So heed my warning good people of the internet, drink and drink a lot, but stay away from people with crusty gloves or you will regret it in the morning.

With that said, if you do suffer from any sort of illness, hangover or even both, then I am here for you, every Sunday (well, almost), to help you survive the day with the warmth of a good movie (well, almost). 

We begin the hangover with a double dose of decent hyperactive action films over at USA, staring at 10:00 with Smoking Aces, followed by Shoot 'Em Up at 12:30. I enjoyed both of these films, with Shoot 'Em Up being a fun but totally moronic action movie that has an opening that is quite laugh out loud from what I remember. Smoking Aces, on the other hand, was surprisingly good and had a lot more going for it than what the movie was sold as.

If you're in the mood for some action, then USA is the place to go, if you are in the mood for something far worse, then make your way to SyFy. Their slate this fine afternoon consists of a film called Rock Monster at 1:00, followed by Ray Harryhausen's Cyclops (with Eric Roberts!) at 3:00. Now, wouldn't it have made more sense to show Cyclops at 1:00 instead of 3:00, and is that the dumbest joke I have ever crafted? The answer is to be determined…

If you might have a taste for something that is a little more on the classic side to fulfill your horror needs, the Fox Movie Channel has you covered with 1958's The Fly at 1:00 and that film's follow-up, Return of the Fly, at 3:00. Nothing can fulfill and rescue an afternoon of previous evening guilt quite like a little Vincent Price, not even a CGI Cyclops. I don't think I even have this channel, but if I did, this would be the way to go for me, as I find films from the mid-60's and before to be quite nice to relax to while couch laden. 

Now the decision is yours to make, so enjoy the day the best you can feeling the way you do, and may you pick a film that makes you feel a little better than dead. 

The Horror Hangover

Well, this week is certainly not amazing, but it is a step up from the previous week, and that is thanks to a few choice films that we have on slate for today. However, as Halloween creeps closer and closer with each week that passes, I expect the Hangover to grow faster than Tom Hanks in Big. Anyways, enough useless nonsense from me…why don't you all climb aboard the S.S. Horror Hangover and we can get started on our journey.    

Hmm…where to start first…okay, we can head over to FX for what is a solid day of movie watching, starting in the wee hours of 9:30 with the film, Jawbreaker. It's funny, I saw this movie back when it came out and I remember very little about it outside of it being an attempt at a modern version of Heathers. I also remember thinking it was pretty decent too, but that was a long time ago now, so who knows just how good the film actually is. Either way, a bitchy Rose McGowan is always a joy to watch if you ask me.      

After you recover from your sore jaw, you can keep it on FX for today's next film, which is 30 Days of Night at 11:30. Meh, I loved it when I initially watched it, the second time however, the flaws came flooding in with the quickness. Ben Foster is annoying, which is almost always the case, and the vampires were corny as all hell. Seriously, the language they use is hysterical, and the way they constantly growl and try to bite at the air just makes things all the more ridiculous. Close your mouth dude, you look lame. Outside of those important issues, the movie is pretty cool.  

Staying with FX for one more film, 2:00 gives us a monster of a good time with Cloverfield. Perfect? No, but I absolutely love Cloverfield and totally bought right into the awesome marketing, and I still find myself falling victim to any possible hint towards a sequel. Like, I am convinced that Let Me In is actually Cloverfield 2. Definitely a great film to watch whilst laying in your hangover induced death bed.

Now that we are moving on and away from FX, we can take a quick, and I mean quick, trip to SyFy for the barf they have on tap for the day. I can get into a cheesy end of the world SyFy movie from time to time, but when they show them, they show them all, and they do it often. I'm over it, so I'll blast through this one for the sake of my sanity.

11:00 Meteor

1:00 Supernova Part no-fun 

3:00 Supernova Part pooh

Done.

Okay, now if you do want to spend some time with an apocalyptic film that is actually good, head over to IFC for a 3:00 showing of Right at Your Door. Great, simple and very intimate little film, Right at Your Door trades in wild happenings for a scenario that could certainly ring very true in our modern times, thus, making it pretty frightening.

That does it for today kiddies…I'll see you all the next time around. 

The Horror Hangover

Finally, after a two week hiatus, The Horror Hangover is back and as mediocre as ever! I would love to be all sly and joking about that but this is not the cream of the crop as far as hangovers go. However, there is at least enough to motivate you all to wake from your deep slumber, grab the remote and wait for the pain to end.

As I said, there isn't a whole lot on, so I thought I would get fancy and include a TV show today, but it is a show that fits like a glove here at the hangover. Starting our day is a special episode of Ghost Adventures: The Beginning at 10:00 on the Travel Channel. This is actually the two-hour documentary that would go on to influence the series, so I certainly think it's kosher to include it, and if you have not seen the show before, then it is a must. In fact, here are four reasons why you should. 

The forth reason is clearly Zak Bagans and his bod, of course. Speaking of bods, you might want to gas up that monster truck, 'cause we're taking a trip to the Road House at 1:30 over at VH1. I mean, this is Road House we're talking about here people, it's a tough guy classic starring the late great Pat Swayze, Pat's butt, Sam Elliott, Sam's mustache AND beard and a whole lot of ass kicking. No more need be said.  

And taking us to an early death, SyFy will occupy the rest of the hangover with a slew of movies I am positive will deliver the goods. First up is the Tobe Hooper film, 2005's Mortuary, which is showing at 11:00. Hooper really fell off pretty hard, unfortunately, but I won't front, the trailer looks okay in a ridiculous and fun way. Still, I also read not one thing to support that thought, so I feel inclined to believe it isn't very good.

 

Next up on the SyFy platter of poop is a film titled Intermedio, which is showing at 1:00. The film is about a group of teens that are plagued by dangerous ghosts while being trapped in a Mexican border tunnel. Intermedio has a worse IMDB score than even Mortuary, but it does star Cerina Vincent, something I can certainly deal with.

Well, our day is now coming to a close with our last film, which is a 3:00 showing of The Cursed on SyFy. I'm beginning to think we may be the ones that are cursed with what SyFy is making us sit through this Sunday, but at least it's all over, right? Well, hopefully next week is a little better, but please make sure to brush your teeth before me meet. Yo shit smell like dragon farts.

The Horror Hangover

Here we are once again to bring you the best cure for a hangover - which is to just lay there crying and hoping for death while watching movies, essentially - and this day gives us a slew of worthwhile televised cinema to drool to throughout your painful afternoon. So, try and pull yourself together, go grab a cup of coffee, take a draught beer dump, wish for death, then sit that ass back down for The Horror Hangover.    

10:00 gets us started as AMC beats its own chest in the hopes of causing a wicked bruise when they show their Fear of Mark Wahlberg. Can you blame them, dude was down with the funky bunch for crying out loud. In all seriousness, I have always liked Fear, in the guiltiest of ways, naturally, but it is a fun rollercoaster of a ride that hopefully doesn't result in Wahlberg digging deep to Wild Horse for you.   

Next, we head over to IFC for a 10:30 showing of the supernatural thriller, Dark Mirror. I actually reviewed this film for Paracinema waaaay back before I had even the slightest grasp of grammar (like it's better now), and I found it to be a mediocre but worthwhile enough watch. It's a pretty low budget affair and, with its lead character being a woman under some sort of duress, Dark Mirror has a slight Lifetime quality to it. It does have some good moments as well as a few good ideas to boot, so I can give this a recommend to anyone that can barely handle the conscious world do to alcohol intake.  

Now we can go right ahead and spend the rest of the day with the ever so reliable SyFy. We'll start with an 11:00 showing of Timber Falls, a film I have never seen, but it looks decent enough and the reviews aren't too bad. So it may not be the worst way to spend your afternoon.

After Timber falls, SyFy kicks the map in a creek and ends up taking an unfortunate Wrong Turn at 1:00. Wrong Turn is a solid horror flick with a pretty strong cast, even with Eliza Dushku acting like a dude. Yeah we get it, you're tough because you put your foot up on a log and cross your arms on your knee with an intense look in your eye. Great look, honey. 

Finishing off the day, SyFy follows up Wrong Turn with its sequel, Wrong Turn 2: Dead End, at 3:00. This is a sequel that has shown up on more than one Hangover, and I had not seen it any of those previous times. However, after a $5 purchase from the bargain bin at a soulless superstore, I have finally seen this much applauded sequel and thought it was good…enough. Maybe not as great as everyone claims, but for a direct-to-DVD sequel, it is certainly a solid and enjoyable horror film. However, I am sure everyone that loves the film had shit expectations, were very surprised by it not sucking, then told me so, thus giving me some smidgen of expectation (none of that made sense, did it?). Let me put it this way, I don't regret buying it, especially for the price I paid.

And after all that nonsensical gibberish our day is done, so thanks again for stopping by, and I'll see you next week.

The Horror Hangover

Hey hey hangers, it's time to gear up for another day of wondering how you got home last night - why is there a mixture of apple sauce and angel hair all over your kitchen floor - and who the hell are those people in your bed?! Well, now is not the time to answer these burning questions, as I think it would just be easier to let that shit play out on its own. Kick back, get comfy and prepare once again, for The Horror Hangover. Presented by Taco Bell's Über Taco Nacho Fiesta Torpedo.

Hope you're ready for the insanity of an all Lifetime/SyFy afternoon. To some, that's what life is all about, to others, it's time to head for the hills, even if they do have eyes. Wherever you may fall, the SyFy/Lifetime combo is a lethal one indeed, one that calls for a mixture of hair pulling, CGI monsters, torn women, bad medieval accents and of course, pure gold. Oh, and a fantastic chance that Capser Van Dien may show up somewhere. Or so we hope. 

Where should we start…okay, we'll get rolling with SyFy for an early showing of Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God at 9:30. This is actually a direct-to-DVD sequel to the 2000 D&D film, one that I admittedly have an incredible soft spot for. So I would probably give this a shot if it's on TV and I have nothing else to do, like wash my hair, or feed my cat, or maybe clip my toenails.

Up next, SyFy keeps it moving with Dark Relic at noon. And no, it's not about George Hamilton…he has more of a golden complexion as opposed to dark. Dark Relic is another movie set in the middle ages but with a touch of horror added for fun. From what I read about it, the acting is pretty good, the story is decent, but the film is not the best. But really, what can you expect when there is no Van Dien around?  

At 2:00 SyFy keeps with its Medieval theme with Witchville, witch has a TV Guide description of: A prince returns home and finds that his father is dead and the kingdom has been overrun by witches. Sold.

Finishing off the day for SyFy is In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale at 4:00. Now, I am already tired of this genre just typing about it, but this Uwe Boll film is so entertaining for many reasons. Two of them being Mathew Lillard and Ray Liotta's intense performances. It is pretty terrible, but I have grown to enjoy Boll's films over the years. He makes true modern B-Movies without even trying.    

Boy, this Hangover just got really long all of the sudden, but luckily Lifetime isn't as bulbous as SyFy today, so why don't we head on over there for the last few films of the afternoon. First up comes Devil in the Flesh 2: The Fleshinator at 1:00. Okay, maybe it's not The Fleshinator, but I would imagine that there was a point in time when the thought crossed someone's mind in the marketing department. I can't imagine this one won't be solid – just look at the DVD artwork. 

And finally, our last film of the day, Wicked, comes to us at 3:00. Wicked stars Julia Stiles in one of her earlier roles, and out of everything on today's Hangover, this one seems to be the most interesting, as it is about a young girl that wants to be "with" her dad, and no one will stand in her way, not even her own mother. Kind of gross, but it makes for a perfect Lifetime movie and the perfect ending to this week's Hangover.

The Horror Hangover

Now, THIS is a serious Horror Hangover I have going for you all this Sunday. And boy do you need it, especially after what you were up to last night…singing along to songs from Grease thinking that the girls you were singing along with would ever think about boning you afterwards – taking body shots off of that girl with the bumpy neck – eating bar peanuts…that were on the ground. In the bathroom! So, lucky for you, this hangover is Epic like Faith No More. 

We'll start off with the random stuff to get you rolling nice and smooth. AMC gets us going with Virus at 11:00, a movie that I saw in theaters and hated so much that I never would dare to return. Now, sometimes I wonder if I would possibly find something to enjoy about a film I hated back when I was younger, but I do know I was incredibly disappointed back when it came out. I am curious as to what others think about the film, though.

Next up, the Horror Hangover gets mad funky, with the Martial Arts film, Iron Monkey. At 2:15 on IFC (I didn't want to mess up that flow). I can't recommend Iron Monkey enough, and unless you do not have IFC, you have no reason not to give this high-flying action film a view. For the last random movie of the day, FX does us all right with Doomsday at 4:30. I haven't watched Doomsday since I saw it at the movies, but I did enjoy it and would like to revisit it again at some point, even though that one chick couldn't keep her gonorrhea covered tongue in her mouth for more than ten seconds. Seriously, we get it, you're down with the sickness.

Alrighty, getting into the group rate portion of the hangover, TNT shows its power load with a double dose of revenge action when The Bride tries her damndest to Kill Bill at 2:00, followed by a second attempt at 4:15. I love the Kill Bill films quite a bit and Vol. 1 was on my top 25 of the decade, so no more shall be said.

To finish things off for today, I have a slew of SyFy cinema that is sure to keep you slightly distracted from the stench of your own vodka ridden breath (maybe if you flick your tongue the smell won't be so bad?). Things start off at 10:00 with Boogeyman, followed by Skinwalkers - a film I believe no one has actually seen - at 12:00. Things pick up at 2:00 with The Prestige, only to drop back down at 4:30 with the mediocre and totally disappointing Ultraviolet to finish off the day.

And that does it for this long ass and tiring edition of The Horror Hangover…see you next week ghoulies. 

The Horror Hangover

After that ridiculously off the chain birthday celebration this weekend, I know I am hurting worse than the box office performance of Knight And Day (seriously, how could THAT movie not have been a mega-success?). Now, while this week's Hangover is a bit on the light side, the quality is so absolute that I simply had to share the goodies that are on this Sunday afternoon.

SyFy, for the second week in a row, drops the non-mutated monster animals gone awry act and really brings the pain with a double dose of movies that are sure to stimulate your throbbing noggin. Even if your day is a bit gloomy, I foresee the clouds parting to make way for some Sunshine at 11:00. I have seen Sunshine but only once and really enjoyed how completely gorgeous it looked as well as the interesting story, but in the last 20 or so minutes, things go in an unflattering direction. I would love to see it again, however, and I have no issue with recommending it to you, Mr./Ms. sleepy head.

The good times continue to roll when SyFy puts on a pair of flip-flops and goes on an epic journey with Children of Men at 1:00. This film just recently came up in that meme I did a few days ago, as well as my best of the decade list, so you already know how I feel about Children of Men, but if YOU haven't seen it, or haven't seen it twice, now is the time. Actually, don't even watch it on SyFy, you can buy one of the greatest films ever made at Wal-Mart for a measly $5 bucks and view it without any of the interruptions trying to get you to buy shit. You have no excuse.

Away from SyFy we go for our last film of the day, so follow me as we head over to TNT for some over-the-top evil with The Devil's Advocate at 12:00. I love The Devils Advocate and have seen it numerous times and even own the movie poster. It's in my closet, but I do own it. I like it because it's very different from most horror films and as outrageous as he is in the movie, Al Pacino is super fun to watch. The smile he delivers to Neo when they're at dinner and some random hot chick just ducks under the table for a hot dog desert is simply priceless.

As I said, it is a short Hangover, but one that would perfectly fit the definition of short but sweet. Enjoy your Sunday, kiddies.

The Horror Hangover

It seems like it was just yesterday when you had the ability to walk straight, talk to people coherently and keep your bed free of urine. Boy how quickly things can change in the span of an evening, huh? It's okay, I understand and have been there myself. Well, maybe not the shitting in the pants part so much but pretty much everything else. Hey, at least you made it out of Saturday alive, and you shall be rewarded with yet another stupendous edition of, The Horror Hangover. Brought to you by Bayer.

Today actually marks a fantastic day in televised cinema with plenty of horrifying celluloid to keep the segment's namesake on point and true. We'll start by heading over to AMC for a double dose of classy horror beginning with The Silence of the Lambs tucking it away for a vaginal look at 10:30, only to be followed by Shelley Duvall looking her best in The Shining at 1:00.

If your not in the mood for rubbing lotion all over its skin (ya prude), 10:30 gives the gift of options in the form of the great comedic horror film, Shaun of the Dead on Comedy Central. And if THAT still doesn't float your smug little boat, just wait till 11:00 and you can watch Sleepy Hallow over at TNT. It's all about diversifying your options, people.

While we're on the subject of Tim Burton, it is he that leads us to our last bloody chunk of cinema for the day, and it comes to us courtesy of Horror Hangover BFF, SyFy. First up, SyFy gets in to the (just around the corner!) Halloween spirit with The Nightmare Before Christmas at 11:00. Keeping things on the upper level of horror cinema, SyFy takes a 12:30 trip down a level with the absolutely fabulous ladies of The Decent. Wow, talk about some great choices to have to make so early in your day, huh? Well, all good things must come to an end, and that end comes at 2:30 when SyFy goes back to a familiar mold with Carny. It's okay, though, Carny actually looks fun, plus it stars everyone's favorite triple named actor, LDP. Those initials are short for WIN.

The Horror Hangover

Well, it's Sunday, your brain is expanding past the capacity of your dome piece, there's a half eaten pot of crusty ass mac and cheese on your coffee table, and your thinking to yourself "I didn't have this rash last night?!" when it all starts to come back to you. By now, we should all know what this means…it's time for The Horror Hangover.

It's summer, so why not spend the day inside and away from all those pesky ants, snakes and wasps, so you can watch a bunch of movies about ants, snakes and wasps on SyFy. Things start off at 11:00 with The Hive, which is oddly not about bees, but instead, places its focus on ants. Maybe 'The Hill' or 'The Colony' would have been a more suitable title? Whatever, after "The Hive," SyFy is showing Vipers at 1:00, and Vipers is actually about genetically mutated snakes, not tarantulas or killer birds. At 3:00, SyFy finishes its day off with Black Swarm, a film about genetically mutated wasps (wait, what?) that may have been called The Hive, if not for some lame ass ant movie already stealing the name. All three films look fantastic in their own ridiculously awful way, but it is Black Swarm that has Robert Englund, giving it a tad of street cred. And I do mean tad. 

Getting away from the not-so-great outdoors, The Horror Hangover makes its first ever stop at BET for Cooley High at 1:30. I just completely adore films that are sort of coming of age tales, or focus on the lives of youths from a different time, location, or in the case of Coolie High, race. There's usually a great mixture of humor, drama, and male teenage relatability that just speaks to me for some reason. Cooley High is one of the best of that genre, showing that most young males follow similar paths and go through familiar heartaches growing up, no matter who they are or where they may come from. Pick of the week.    

And the day closes over at IFC with The Minus Man at 2:35. Never saw it, and I can't say that I really care to see it all that much either, but I will always remember seeing that wild trailer that played before The Blair Witch Project. It was definitely a brilliant trailer and caught everyone's attention, but not enough for the film to really do anything outside of having great marketing.   

The Horror Hangover

It's time to rise from that hard earned slumber, so you can enjoy your day the way you were meant to…drooling, covered in sweat (or at least I hope that's sweat) and unable to move the necessary limbs to lift you from where you lay. This is better known as a hangover, but don't fret my dear reader, I have the remedy to make this sad state you're in just a little more tolerable.

We'll start our day off with Monster Ark, playing on good ol' SyFy at 11:00. In what is a ridiculous but kind of good idea, this one asks - what if Noah's Ark wasn't the only ark that sailed the seas? What if there were another ark, one that housed a monster?! It's really not a bad idea, but what is most appealing about this one is it stars Tommy "Tiny" Lister, better known as Zeus! I wonder if it is he that plays the titular monster?

We can keep the dial set to SyFy since Reign of the Gargoyles is set to rain some badass gargoyle action all over yo ass at 1:00. Of course there is no trailer for this one, but based off this fantastic photo, you just know that Reign of the Gargoyles is the real deal Holyfield.

And if you still aren't of the belief that goreguyales aren't completely frightening, then just ask the god warrior.

Taking a step back from the gold that SyFy has already brought us, our hangover continues at 1:00 with Disturbia, on TNT. I guess this is supposed to be okay, or at least that's what I've heard. I always have been, and always will be, skeptical until I have seen it for myself I suppose. I have issues getting past the moronic name…Disturbia? Really? How about Scaretopia? Or Frightville? Maybe even Horriblefield?     

Oh, here's a good one…if you have IFC, a TV, taste, and love something great, 3:00 brings us the Martial Arts epic, Hero. There was that small amount of time where a handful of pretty amazing Martial Arts flicks were getting into theaters after the success of Crouching Tiger, and Hero was one of them. From top to bottom this one is just so beautiful, and I cannot recommend it anymore, especially if you have not seen it for yourself. Even if you aren't much for the Asian action, this is well worth it, and it should look more than proper on IFC too. Pick of the week. 

Our day comes to an end at 4:00 with Final Destination 3 on TBS. I didn't really enjoy this one the first time I saw it (especially after how great the second one was), but I have really grown to like this third entry in the FD franchise. More of the same, fun deaths and…you know…some other stuff. And I just love the tanning bed death for some reason. It's so completely off the wall, and seeing the death of some stuck-up bitches is always a joy to watch, especially when they're naked with very nice and tan milk providers.   

The Horror Hangover

Hello once again kiddies. I'm very glad you have decided to take some time to check out what we have in store for you today. Hopefully there is something that will catch your bloodshot eye and make this, your awful hangover, just a little more bearable. Sadly, I am going to have to rush through this one, as I have no time in what is an annoyingly busy work weekend for me. I didn't want you to think I was being lazy or some crap.   

When in a rush, SyFy comes through big time with an afternoon full of horror to keep your mind off the sick headache you developed for some odd reason. Things start nice and early with some quality horror at 9:00 with In the Mouth of Madness, which is a fun 90's film as well as a solid homage to Lovecraft.

After that, SyFy goes buck wild with a bunch of movies I have not seen, but I would think about watching if in the right mood. 100 Feet (eww, stinky) is the first film at 11:00, followed by Backwoods (starring Haylie Duff!) at 1:00, and finishing off the afternoon is Open Graves at 3:00. Not a bad line-up from SyFy, and at least a few of these films look watchable, while still harboring a copious amount of alcohol in your bloodstream, of course.  

I'll close out the afternoon with a back-to-back dose of classic Tim Burton on ABC Family, starting with a 2:30 showing of Bettlejuice, followed by Edward Scissorhands at 4:30. Love both of these movies and they certainly add to what is a decent Horror Hangover film wise, which is nice.

Alrighty, I gotta jet, but thanks for sticking around, and may your hangover subside by the evening. So you can drink some more.