What up party people in the house?! I know you know what time it is, but if you don't then you is about to learn, shun! Today may seem like a typical Friday night on the surface, but this Friday is actually coated in an extra special caramel glaze here at CNAMB. And no, I didn't become a woman today or anything like that, instead, it is the first day of October, meaning, it's the first day of Chucktober! Now, what exactly is Chucktober you ask? Well, even if you didn't ask, here is the lowdown: The entire month of October will be celebrated in style, with all - and I mean ALL - content being of the horror variety! I know, crazy right?!
Now, this blog is already like 85% horror to begin with, but we're going all out here for Chucktober. I'm talking about all the dance parties, all the hangovers and all of the reviews will be horror or Halloween related in some capacity throughout this month of madness. I will also continue to share with you all of the fun and/or marginally interesting Halloween happenings that go down here in my real (lame) life. And lastly, there will be a special surprise or two tailor made specifically for this epic event of bearded brutality, and I know how much you love surprises that aren't of the "I'm pregnant" variety!
I know I know, you're excited, but don't waste all your energy just yet as there still be some dancing to do. This is a five Friday month(!), so lets start Chucktober off with nothing less than a simple good time. Tonight's funky track is a homemade Halloween rap that comes to us via German duo, NEtotal. Now, I really don't know much about these guys but, from what I have seen, they are a German comedy-duo that make videos like the one provided. It's always funnier when this shit is not on purpose, but this video still rocks thanks to the great lyrics and the accents that are endlessly entertaining whilst slinging rhymes.
Enjoy, and don't be afraid to check out the ghost of Chucktober past by clicking the link! *LINK*
Hello all you jumpin' and jivin' dance machines! Glad you could make it out tonight to enjoy some fine ass jams at the hottest place in town…Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! As some of you may know, there is a brand spanking new Nightmare film making it's way into multiplexes. Of course, it is a remake, but it's still a Nightmare film and the character in this Nightmare film goes by the name Krueger – Fred Krueger. Considering this is Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, the need to acknowledge it is kind of important, whether or not the actor is Mr. Englund.
When I started doing this segment, it was meant to be what it is now, a place where I can post great official music videos from horror/cult movies, awesome musical dance scenes from films that are of my liking, and anything that I may find fun and entertaining. Now, while the name Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party might be a catchy one (or, at least that was what I was hoping!), that catchiness is not the reason for the segments name.
Out of all of the monsters, all of them, Freddy Krueger is my favorite of the bunch. He is the one that I grew up on, and while my favorite horror movie might star his rival, Michael Myers, it is Krueger that holds a massive chunk of my horror loving black heart. While some of the things I love him for are out of youth and nostalgia, he is the monster that represents everything that this segment is. I mean, look at the major amount of content I pulled from the Nightmare films for so many of these dance parties in the beginning! He was the definition of a rock star, or a rap star, or whatever style he so chose to take on.
Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party was inspired by wanting to have a fun open ended place to get down and show some clips that I find worthy of our time and attention. In that same vein, it is in honor of a monster that is the one that I grew up on, the one that produced movies that, while not necessarily all great, are a part of my childhood and what shaped my young horror mind. Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party is in essence, a tribute to Fred Krueger, so whether or not this new Nightmare is going to suck…I am still happy to see Freddy making it back to the celluloid form.
I've been doing this segment almost as long as I've done this blog (which really isn't all that long) and the Nightmare inspired videos I have saved for the Dance Party are almost completely dried up. I am holding on to the few I have for special occasions and the ones I have would be in line with the Nightmare films of old, thus my reason for going with this completely insane non visual audio clip. It's called Freddy Krueger Rap and while it is about the Fred that haunted pre-remake, it is about the monster specifically, which I thought would be most fitting with the new film coming out.
Check it out, son!
There isn't much to learn about this Freddy rap, outside of it being brought to us via some dude named Jiggerbean. Whatever, it's a totally fun little rap and what Mr. Jiggerbaen says about this track on his You Tube page is, by the end of recording it, he was hammered, which is noticeable in the song and makes for a good chuckle. Drunk or not, the lyrics are hysterical and every second of it is pure gold. My favorite line is about Jason and his machete, being chopped up like spaghetti!
Anywho, I hope I didn't bore you with all the useless info I spilled all up on your monitors, but I wanted to explain my love for the character of Krueger and why he is the influence of what is a staple of Chuck Norris Ate My Baby. Hope you dug the Freddy rap and hope that new Nightmare film is decent, though, I have heard some pretty bad things…sigh.
I used to love Full Moon films, even though their movie’s weren’t always great, they were fun and the company seemed to have a solid footing in horror back when I was young. One of the things I loved most was they had the special after movie Video Zone segment, where Charles Band would talk about upcoming films, behind the scenes, and general Full Moon news. It was just so cool and this was well before the DVD extras we are so blessed with nowadays. So I have very found memories of the film’s from that time and I have been wanting to try and check a few of them out again someday soon. As well as revisiting old Full Moon films, I have had an urge to look at some of the newer ones like Gingerdead Man and Skull Heads as I have heard they deliver the cheesy goods on an epic level.
This all came together when I decided to give 2002’s Cryptz a viewing. I actually had no clue that it was a Full Moon movie, and while I had no sort of expectations to begin with, when I saw the Full Moon label, I had a good idea what I was in for and I got a little ecstatic, to be honest with you. Seeing that Full Moon logo, I almost knew I would enjoy what I was to see, no matter how bad. I would be blinded by nostalgia. Well, I don’t really know if that was the case with Cryptz, because I think I may have been more blinded by bad taste than anything. Even though this movie is pretty damned terrible, I still found myself entertained by it in all its horrendous glory.
Cryptz follows Tymez Skwair (Choice Skinner), Fuzzy Down (Rick Irvin), and Likrish (Dennis Waller), three aspiring rappers with three of the greatest Hip-Hop names ever created. T-Skwair (short for Tymez Skwair for those of you less than hip) is under pleasure from ma dukes to get a job while he waits seemingly forever for his rap career to take off. T-Skwair heads out to find a job, but not before running into his boys, Fuzzy and Likrish. While walking down the street to go…somewhere, the trio run into a sexy vixen named Stesha (Lunden De'Leon).
I love New York?
With shorts that would make Ronnie jealous and a set of cans more delicious than Chef Boyardee, T-Skwair is no doubt smitten and tries to work a piece on this lovely lady. He asks what her Cryptz shirt is all about and she tells them that Cryptz is where she works and also where she was heading to. Hoping to meet up with Stesha at Cryptz, the guys ask where it is, but she says if they really wanna hang with her, they will have to find it for themselves…and it ain’t in the phone book.
Stesha then proceeds to pinch T-Skwair’s cheek, at which point, time slows and a painful sizzling sound occurs, letting the viewer know, that Stesha has done something sinister to T-Skwair. Not that the Cryptz shirt didn't already tell us that she was trouble.
The trio head back to Fuzzy D’s place and try to figure out where and the hell Cryptz might be, when they decide to call their boy Truck (played by Chyna, but not THAT Chyna).
Truck is into strange things like the occult and meditation, so the crew thinks he may know about this mysterious night club. However, when Tymez Skwair asks him about Cryptz, Truck warns him that the place is dangerous and to stay as far away from it as possible. When Truck learns that T-Skwair came into contact with Stesha (in the form of sizzling cheek pinch), he tells him to have Fuzzy and Likrish tie him down for the night and to call Truck at sundown.
Well, thinking that being tied down by your boys is mad gay, they instead spend their evening watching television, when from out of nowhere, T-Skwair starts freaking out! His cheek begins to burn to the point of pain, the same cheek that Stesha had pinched earlier. Not knowing what to do, they jump in a car and take off, with T-Skwair giving directions, directions that lead down a darkened alley to…CRYPTZ!
As soon as the guys get into the club, T-Skwair’s face stops hurting and they soon realize they are in the hottest strip club with the finest women around! Thinking this will be one hell of a great night, T-Skwair, Fuzzy, and Likrish are psyched, only they don’t know that the club is a front for a coven of Vampires! They’ll figure it out soon enough…
Cryptz has production values and set designs that are lower than my chain hangz, which of course makes it all the more fun. Even many of the cheaper and crappier Full Moon movies from year’s past, had really nice set design, usually because they were shot in Romania and were a little more Gothic in setting. Clearly, that kind of setting wouldn’t work in a film set in an urban area, but still, the Cryptz strip club is fucking hysterical in how cheap looking it is.
Even better than the strip club itself, is when the Vampires reveal themselves and the dungeon style backrooms are used for rituals and such. I really think that Cryptz must have been sponsored by Spencer’s gifts, as every prop looked like something you could buy at Halloween time. My favorite “prop” is this skull chalice used to drink blood from…as soon as I saw it, I knew it was the same chalice that you can buy at any local grocery store, CVS, or Walgreens. You know the one…
For the record, they used the one on the right (though I think the one on the left is much more menacing) and it was so awesome knowing that next Halloween, I will be able to purchase a piece of memorabilia from the film, Cryptz at the drug store.
One thing that Full Moon has always been very good at, is REALLY bad special FX and camera trickery as well as overall technical aspects. I think that Full Moon has really come into its own and mastered the art of terrible camera work and filmmaking techniques with Cryptz and its 1998 home video quality dissolves and Play Station 1 graphic prowess. Every time there is some sort of horror action, the movie goes into slow motion with a mixture of blur effects and multiple color changes…it begins to look like you’re watching Suspiria on fast-forward after being donkey punched by one of the Klitschko brothers. Much like the back of a Spencer’s in a way…hmm…connection?
So yeah, Cryptz is completely awful and 100% incompetent, but a complete blast for how terrible it is. I do have to give a litte credit to the cast that make up Fuzzy, Likrish, and Tymez Skwair though – they are not great, but had very good chemistry together as well as a few funny moments. Surprisingly, I was laughing with them a few tymez instead of at them. While this isn’t exactly what Full Moon delivered back in the day, it’s still nice to know that they can at least bring out the big guns as far as enjoyably bad filmz go.
Man have I got a beast master of a song for tonight’s Dance Party!! For the first time in a good number of years, I rewatched William Lustig’s Maniac Cop 2 a few weeks back and much to my unknowing rapper’s delight, there was a song at the end of the movie. Sounds normal, right? You expect a song at the end of any movie, but when that song has a poppin’ hip-hop beat laid out to some intricate and dope lyrics about the story and dangers of the Maniac Cop himself, Matt Cordell, well, all just becomes right with the world. There is unfortunately no official music video for this one, but this fan made clip will do just fine - the song is more than good enough on its own. Just listen for yourself.
Can you believe that shit is REAL?! Real fucking awesome! I mean, where do I even begin? How about the Maniac Cop himself throwing his police issued cap into the hip-hop ring with his Miranda rights styled chorus! Or how about some of these crazy lyrics even…” Set him on fire, I shoot him with an uzi, but he’ll show up in your Jacuzzi!” Jacuzzi?! Is this a Maniac Cop that patrols the streets of the Jersey Shore? Better watch out, Snooki! Oh yeah, and the name of the song is get this…Maniac Cop Rap!
I really tried to find out who the”lyricists” were behind this masta-piece, but I had no luck at all. The song as well as the entire Maniac Cop 2 OST is composed by Jay Chattaway who has composed a ton of films and television, including the first Maniac Cop. Is there a chance that Mr. Chattaway was the M.C. behind this classic track? Look at this guy…he has thug Doug written all over him. Maybe he and Ted Turner can team up and create the hottest rap duo since Kid ‘n Play.
WHOOOOO!! This party is off the meat rack, brah! And it isn't over just yet, we have one last round of hot beats to frighten you right out of your seats...and on to the dance floor! With the celebration getting close to being over, I should let some of you ladies know about the haunted house set up in the private suite...it's filled with bats and ghouls and trouser snakes, and I promise to protect you from all but one! What's that Skele-tone? Okay people, Skele-tone really out did himself and found this last minute doozy late last night while he was trying to find a ghoul-friend on Hott Buttz.com! You all ready for round three? Drop it, Skele-tone!
Soul Snatcher feat. Kfiz "Creepin' Tonight"
Wow, Skele-tone...seriously?! Talk about frightening! Those dudes were mad scury and next time someone steps to me, I'm using the line..."You looking like Skeletor, and your old lady already look like...Skele-whore!" Talk about tight rhymes! Alrighty, we got one final track that is the perfect way to end this epic dance party! I hope you all are having a wicked Halloween and while I would hate to see it all come to an end, it has been a blast for us over here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!
Sup playas, and playarettes!! You must be new to this club, so let me give you the tour. Right there - that's where you can dance, right over there - that's another place you can dance, and over here, on my lap - well, take a guess. What'd you expect; this is Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party after all!! HOLLA!! You guys carrying anything? No?! Well, here, take these pills, they're on the house. We wanna make sure everyone has a good time!! If you start to feel a little dizzy, let me know, you can lay down in the bed up in my private suite, while I play with your sweet privates! YEAH BOYEE! Now, I hope you guys brought your D-game with you…what's D-game you ask? Well, that's your Dance Game, cause tonight, dj Skele-tone has the fattest tracks on the block! And when I say fat, I mean F-A-T, because finally, Skele-tone has brought with him - his copy of Are you ready for Freddy? as done by the infamous 80's hip-hop group, The Fat Boys! This should be one hell of a dance party, where the tunes are fat, but the ladies are mad skinny from all the blow they do! Now get out there kid, burn some calories dancing, and make sure you look good doing it!
Oh great...is that Gary Busey preaching about the lord and sobriety again? Better get security.
First of all, I thought horizontal stripes would be a no-no for a heavyset person, and vertical was the way, but whatever…I'm not here to judge. The Fat Boys consisted of Mark Morales aka "Prince Markie Dee" - Damon Wimbley aka "Kool Rock-Ski" - and The Human Beat Box himself, Darren Robinson aka "Buff Love." Buff Love might be the greatest name in Hip-Hop history...the name says it all! Are You Ready For Freddy? was written for 1988's A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, and also appeared on 1997’s best of album - All Meat: No Filler. Even though I love Dream Warriors, I always liked this one just a little bit more. It's such a fun video and song, and how great is it that Freddy raps? And to top it off, his skills are garbage! Not that I don't appreciate lyrics like..."You see my name is Freddy - and I'm here to say - I'll wrap you up - and take you away! And if you feel like your tired - and ready for bed - Don't fall asleep - or you'll wake up dead!" Watch out now, he's like the next Ja Rule, but instead, he could be Claw Rule! Also, while it's a little embarrassing to admit, I always liked the songs chorus as sung by whoever the girl is, I mean, there isn't a female in The Fat Boys - so I like to think she's a ghost! "Watch out - or Freddy - will bust your heart!" Right on sister!
Hope you guys enjoyed this evenings Dance Party! I know I did, and I know, that you know, that I know, that you know, that I want you. To keep on dancin'!!!! Yo Skele-tone! Bring that beat back, son!! This party ain't over yet - or at least not until I can get one of these ladies drunk enough to come up to the suite with me. I wonder if that ghost chick can get wasted or not?
Hey-hey-hey kids! After a long week of working hard for dat cash monies, it is time for you to enjoy that hard earned dough by spending it right here, at Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! The more you spend, means the more you drink, the more you drink, means the more you dance, the more you drink and dance, means the hotter for me you become! If you’re lucky, later on I'll let you up to the private suite for a little one-on-one dancing, and of course some Moet - on the house. We all know the Moet you drink, the mo-wet you get! Yeaooowww! But for now, I believe dj Skele-tone just rolled up, and with him, he brought the hottest of the hot dance tunes. Tonight, on dj Skele-tone's dope-ass music agenda, we will be poppin’ and lockin’ to the smooth sounds of Any Way I Gotta Swing It brought to us by hip-hop pioneers, Whodini! The only magic trick here, is gonna be when I make it disappear, but don't you go and disappear, cause this party is hotter than my urinary tract infection!
Ughh...who invited a Baldwin brother? Gross, I guess the freaks do come out at night!
Whodini? More like Who-didn't look in the mirror before leaving the house today! For the soundtrack to A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, 1989's Any Way I Gotta Swing It was created by the classic hip-hop group, Whodini. Unlike the previous dance party, there was no controversy to be found with this jam, except for maybe some of the outfit choices, of course. Whodini's lyrical duo consisted of Jalil Hutchins and John Fletcher (aka Ecstasy), along with DJ Drew Carter (aka Grandmaster Dee) on the tables. I love the dancing Freddy’s going up and down the stairs, and the classic "Nancy’s house" setting is more than cool, but watching Ecstasy dance around in an open chested stonewash jean jacket, complete with matching ripped jeans has got to be the frosting on this hip-hop cake! Definitely, the hot look in 1989! Not that Ecstasy's get up wasn't the norm for him, but it's always worth a giggle or two. I also really dig Jalil's "Door to door magazine salesman" outfit - very church appropriate.
Great video for a fun song, Any Way I Gotta Swing is a proper entry into the Freddy pop-culture universe, and one that I will always find some fun in watching. But what I enjoy watching even more, is you tearin' up that dance floor. Man, you look so beautiful when you move; hopefully you'll be rippin' off my clothes the same way rip up that dance floor! Now here, take this pill. Don't worry about what it does - it'll make you feel...happy. You like feeling happy, don't you?
